


SAFETY

by PhenomenalBrat



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Attempted Murder, Child Abuse, Child Sexual Abuse, F/F, F/M, Foster Care, Grief/Mourning, Gun Violence, Investigations, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Rape, Sexual Assault, Therapy, Triggers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:42:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 24,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25949032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhenomenalBrat/pseuds/PhenomenalBrat
Summary: Alex and Kelly are carrying for a foster child, when her increasing nightmares lead to some surprising information that leaves Alex contemplating violence and Kelly walking through some old traumatic childhood memories of her own.
Relationships: Alex Danvers/Kelly Olsen, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Querl Dox/Nia Nal
Comments: 11
Kudos: 75





	1. sleepless nights

**Author's Note:**

> Just to be clear there's some flashbacks in this first chapter to some incidents of Abuse that Amelia suffered. Please just be prepared for that. I kinda went over how best to approach this subject with some people so hopefully its not triggering or stressful to read. There story is multiple chapters. Thanks for understanding 🙏   
> I put TW in the areas that need it in the story. I think its important for you as readers to understand what happens cause it plays into how Kelly is gonna help her in later chapters.

**SAFETY**

**Chapter one: Sleepless nights**

( Dansen, Supercorp, Brainia)

Trigger warnings for mentions of child abuse, trauma, panic attacks, child sexual abuse, attempted murder, etc

By: PhenomenalBrat 

Amelia's whimpering and crying woke Kelly abruptly from her sleep. 

"...help! Please!" The child screamed from her bed and Kelly was up in a second jumping out of bed and running towards the door. 

"Kelly…?" Alex yelled after her as she woke up.

"I got it." Kelly told her as she headed over.

The increasing frequency of Amelia's nightmares in the past few weeks had worried Kelly alot lately. Ever since Evelyn, from the foster care agency had sent Amelia to them in a very complicated emergency foster care situation after some vague trouble at Amelia's old foster home a few months ago, Kelly had felt both herself and Alex becoming increasingly attached to her. Amelia was only 7 years old but she was endearing and intelligent and truth be told Kelly saw a lot of herself in the child. Amelia's curly dark black hair and sun-kissed almond butter hued skin tone was complimented by her hazel brown eyes and truthfully if one didn't know better they would of thought she was biologically related to Alex and Kelly somehow.

When she opened the door to Amelia's bed room, she found her sitting on the bed crying and nearly hyperventilating. It was heartbreaking. Kelly stepped into the room.

"Amelia?" She called her name softly and Amelia immediately looked up and reached for Kelly, clearly wanting a hug and Kelly sat down on the bed, carefully pulling the child in for a hug.

"I'm sorry…" Amelia apologized as Kelly held her. " I woke you up…"

"It's okay sweetie." Kelly told her, holding her tighter and letting her cry. "You had a bad dream again?"

Amelia didn't respond for a moment. 

"Amelia?"

"He was- I-I thought he was gonna get me…"

Kelly assumed she was referring to a monster or a boogeyman. Children had a tendency to conjure up physical manifestations of their fears during times of stress or change.

"He,as in a monster? Like the boogeyman?" Kelly asked. " I'm not gonna let anyone hurt you sweetie." Kelly reassured the girl, as she rubbed her back to calm her.

"Noone can stop him." Amelia whispered.

Kelly heard a noise behind her and immediately knew Alex was there. She had probably been unable to get back to sleep since they were both worried about Amelia.

"Please don't send me back there."

"Hey sweetie. We aren't gonna send you back anywhere." Alex said as she stepped into the room.

"Amelia…" Kelly gently prodded, trying not to over step but sensing more and more that Amelias' fears were less abstract than she thought, " who do you think is gonna hurt you sweetie?"

"If I tell, I'll get in trouble."

Alex knelt down on the floor by the bed. "I promise you won't get in trouble. Pinky promise." Alex said as she held up her pinky and interlocked it with Amelias' own.

"It's okay sweetie." Kelly assured her.

Amelia was quiet for a moment before She finally breathed out a sigh. "Mr Brakeson."

Donald and Jessica Brakeson had been Amelia's last foster parents. They had seemed and sounded perfectly lovely on paper but for some reason Amelia had started acting out and attempted to run away twice from them. A few vague complaints that hadn't fully been looked into had led to her simply being removed and quickly transfered to a new foster home with Alex and Kelly. Oddly enough, they had run into the Brakesons' at the grocery store or at least seen them in line about a week ago but nothing else really. They hadn't seemed to notice Amelia at all.

"Did-did he hurt you sweetie?" Alex asked quietly, sounding afraid of the question even as she asked it.

"He said- he said I was getting rewarded for being good. But it wasn't-" Amelia choked out the words and Kelly felt like a bucket of ice water had been poured down her spine.

"What did he do sweetie?"

" I must of made him do it." Amelia said " That's- that's what he said as he took my clothes-my clothes off." She pushed forward, saying it out loud though clearly struggling.

Kelly looked over at Alex who looked close to crying or punching something right then.

  
  


. . . .

**(Amelia)**

Amelia paused, waiting to see if she had made mommy Kelly or mommy Alex mad.

"I'll rip his di-"

"Alex…" Kelly stopped whatever mommy Alex was going to say.

"Amelia…" Alex said as she looked up at her. 

"I was just laying in bed getting ready to sleep the- the first time…"she started to explain.

. . . .

**(5 months ago)**

**_Authors' notes: Trigger warning for the flashback that Amelia has to the first incident where Don touches her._ **

_ Amelia stepped out of her bubble bath smelling of 'Johnson and Johnsons' and giggling. She had spent the last few hours playing at the pool with Kim and Amber from down the street. The playdate Mrs. Brakeson had set up for her, had been so much fun. She had been scared she wouldn't make friends when she moved in with the Brakesons' but her friendship with the other girls in her class had put that fear to rest. _

_ She pulled on her underwear and her sailor moon pajamas that she had gotten for her first day of first grade. Mr. Brakeson had said she was a big girl now and could bathe and get ready for bed by herself without Mrs Brakeson helping her. She opened the door and stepped right across the hall to her bedroom. Her room had a poster of sailor Mars and supergirl and a new little dresser she had gotten recently.  _

_ Her bed was all made up and tidy just like she was told. The only thing in it besides her blankets, pillows and sheets was the doll her real mommy had given her before she died.  _

_ She flipped off the light and then tapped the nightlight by the bed. She pulled back the covers, slipping underneath and pulling her comfort doll close. She closed her eyes silently recalling a song her mommy used to sing to her as she lay there. _

_ It had probably been about 10 minutes of her laying there when she heard yelling. _

_ "...selfish bitch!" Mr Brakeson was loud and Amelia was shocked by his words. She had only heard him say things like that a few times. _

_ "Don, stop it!" Mrs. Brakesons' voice yelled. " You've been drinking." _

_ "Forget it!" He yelled back.  _

_ The door to their room slammed shut behind him. Amelia lay there confused and scared, with her eyes closed. She needed to just mind her business though, she knew. _

_ "Hey." Mr Brakesons' voice was close. She opened her eyes to see him standing in the doorway of her room. He was shirtless. He wore only a pair of black silk boxers. "You got yourself all cleaned like a big girl huh?" He seemed to be slurring his words as he walked further into the room. _

_ "Yeah. I- just like you told me." Amelia answered, knowing she was supposed to respect adults.  _

_ "That's so good." He slurred out as he sat down on the bed next to her. " You follow directions so well," he told her as he pulled back the covers and rubbed her back. "Jessica is being a bitch!" He growled. "You're a good girl though right." He told her quietly. "Do you wanna help me?" _

_ Amelia was confused. Her mind trying to figure out what was going on. "I-" _

_ Mr Brakeson grabbed Amelia's hand and moved it towards his silk shorts. "I'll reward you for being a good girl. I promise. You just gotta help me first." He told her as he pulled his shorts down, with one hand, while using the other hand to place her hand on his crotch. _

_ "Wait." She cried nearly whimpering. She couldn't explain but she knew something was wrong. _

_ "It's okay. Don't be bad like Jessica," he slurred as his hand that had been pulling down his shorts moved to pull down the waistband of her pajamas and panties.  _

_ She internally screamed as his hand touched her. Why? What did she do wrong? "No." She whimpers, whispering into the dark. She can feel tears stinging her eyes and she's not sure what is even happening exactly. Just find a happy place she tells herself as she can't process the feel of his erect member in her hand while his hands move over her body, pulling at her new pajamas, tugging the little purple Sailor moon shorts down. His other hand reaches towards his crotch, pressing her hand more firmly against his body.  _

_ "It's okay," He tells her, " be a big girl." _

_ She can't place the smell that clings to his pale skin that is flushed red at the moment but she knows that it's alcohol of some sort and the memory of the smell starts to burn itself into her brain even as she tries to drift away. _

_ . . . . _

**(Amelia- present)**

Amelia could not say anymore. It had happened so many times since then over 4 months. Nightmares and memories swirled together in her brain as Mommy Kelly continued to hold her.

I'm so sorry. Sweetie…." Kelly whispered sounding utterly devistated and broken.

"I'm sorry...it's my fault-"

"It's not your fault. " Mommy Alex interjected quickly, cutting off her self blame.

"Why did he-?" 

Mommy Kelly turned to Mommy Alex and they shared a look. Alex' face was a mask of anger and sadness even as she tried to hide it.

"It's not your fault sweetie." Kelly whispered, reassigned as she rubbed Amelia's back and held tighter.

"He didn't stop. He never stopped. Once I-" Amelia really couldn't even process everything enough to explain all the other times. Don had said it was a special secret and Jessica would hate her if she told. Part of her was still terrified to say anything. Honestly if Miss McGuire, her first grade teacher hadn't complained and gotten worried, she might still be with the Brakesons' right now. "I'm sorry I woke you." Amelia apologized.

"Amelia...you're not in trouble. Kelly and I aren't mad that you woke us okay. We just wanna keep you safe." Alex told her. 

Amelia breathed a sigh of relief. She tried not to start crying again since she was sure that she had already messed up the night shirt Kelly wore.

"Sweetie, do you think you can sleep?" Alex asked her.

"Will you-"

"I'll stay right here with you until you fall asleep." Kelly promised, laying her back in the bed and then laying down beside her.

Amelia closed her eyes, feeling safe with Kelly there. Maybe the nightmares would leave her alone for the rest of tonight.

. . . .

**(Alex)**

Alex breathed a sigh of relief as Amelia fell back asleep. She looked over at Kelly who was quietly Humming a soothing song to the girl as she rested. Seeing that everything was okay for the moment she nodded and stood up, stepping out of the room. She needed a moment. 

Alex walked back over to her and Kelly's bed room. She felt shaky. She had known something was wrong. The details the foster agency had given were vague in a way that had set Alex on edge. Amelia was so innocent and endearing and bright that Alex had looked past that to welcome the little girl into their home. Right now she truly wanted to strangle multiple people for the harm caused to Amelia. 

Why the fuck hadn't they fully investigated and imprisoned that man? She breathed trying to calm herself and grabbed her phone dialing Lena's number. It took about two rings before there was an answer.

"Hello." Kara answered the phone sounding confused.

"Hey." Alex wasn't even surprised that Kara had answered Lenas phone.

"Is Lena there? I need a favor."

There was a pause as Kara woke up Lena. She could hear, "babe, it's Alex." then some mumblings before Lena took the phone. "It's 1145pm. " Lena jumped straight to that as she answered.

"Amelia had a uhmm…she woke us up."

" Nightmares again? That's- I had a lot of those for a long while, when I lived with the Luthors after- anyways, what did you-?"

"I need a lawyer and probably a PI." Alex blurted out.

"A lawyer? For-" 

"It's complicated. I need to speed up the process. And we...Amelia told us something and I just need-" Alex wasn't even sure how to explain what was going on.

"I can send you Tia. She's new to L-Corp team but she's good and well versed in multiple types of law." Lena mumbled. 

She's not 100 percent awake and Alex can't really blame her.

"Thanks Lena."

Kara takes the phone then. " So-"

"I'll explain everything soon."

"Alex?" 

" Kara, alot is going on. Its- I wanna kill someone right now. " she admits it, even as she tries to still the stress she can feel rumbling through her body.

"Alex…" 

"It's fine." That was a lie and she's sure if Kara had been able to see her body language and expression she would instantly have known that just by looking regardless of what Alex said in a half assed attempt to seem like things were okay in any way. " I'll talk to you in the morning, " she promised before sending thanks to Lena and hanging up

. . . .

The next morning, it was about 7am as Alex paced the floor stressed. She was already dressed in a pair of jeans and tank top. She had her gun strapped to her hip and she was going over how she could do this in her head.

Last night had been restless and stressful for her. She had checked in on Amelia and Kelly a few times and saw that Amelia had gotten herself back to sleep. She wasn't planning anything crazy. Definitely not. She just wanted to go talk to the Brakesons. It would-

"Alex? Babe, what are you-?" Alex turned to find Kelly in the doorway of their bedroom. 

"Oh. Hey." She stepped toward Kelly pulling her in for a quick kiss.

"What are you-?" Kelly stepped back and looked over Alex, clearly noticing the gun.

Alex sighed. "Kelly I just wanna talk-"

"You wanna talk to him? Alex we don't know-"

"Brainy hacked the address listings in the city for me after I texted him last night. I just-"

" ...Wanna shoot him." Kelly clearly picked up on her body language and the energy she was giving off despite what she was saying. "Alex…" Kelly's voice took on a gently coercing tone and Alex could already sense her girlfriend preparing to talk her down. " ...I wanna shoot him too." Kelly admitted. " Amelia fidgeted as she slept. I could practically feel her shaking."

"Kelly…" 

"You can't shoot him though Alex."

Alex stood there quietly mulling over the choices before her and stewing quietly.

. . . . 

Thanks for reading. Leave comments or kudos or constructive criticism. 

TBC in chapter two: Little screams

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Little screams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kelly find herself hit with her own reflection on some troubling childhood memories in the wake of the revelation about Amelia. Alex does something reckless and inadvertently steps into an unforseen pile of trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's notes: Trigger Warning Be prepare for vivid descriptions of Sexual assault on a minor, blood, violence, threats and flashbacks. 

SAFETY-

Chapter 2: Little screams

Author's notes: Trigger Warning Be prepare for vivid descriptions of Sexual assault on a minor, blood, violence, threats and flashbacks. 

By: PhenomenalBrat 

**_A little under 5 months ago_ **

_ Amelia sat in the bathtub soaking. She hadn't really moved in the last few moments as her rubber duck and Tuxedo mask toy floated around. The scent of the Johnsons and Johnsons bubble bath mix had filled the room. If it were anywhere else it would be a pleasant scene.  _

_ This was not a calm, relaxed and pleasant scene though; at least, she didn't think it was. Amelia could feel Mr Brakeson' watching her. He stood by the bathroom door, but she dared not look up to meet his eyes. The memories from the last time he had looked over her like that and his hands touching her naked skin, still turned her stomach and sent her head long into a whirlwind of confusion.  _

_ "Good girl," He praised her as he stepped futher into the bathroom. " You're just about all nice and clean," he noted, kneeling down right next to the tub. _

_ "Yeah. I-I got all ready-" _

_ "Let me help you finish okay. Jessica is out with her supposedly called friends again." He sounded irritated and bitter as he relayed that information to her. "We can play a game." Mr Brakeson reached for a washcloth from the side of the tub.  _

_ Amelia felt herself tense up as he started washing her back. She was expecting it any moment now. As he leaned closer the taint of that implacable alcohol smell on his breath hit her nose. _

_ "I had such a hard day at work." _

_ "Oh. I'm-I'm sorry." She mumbled, vaguely wishing to just shrink and vanish into thin air. _

_ "It's not your fault sweetie. " His voice was charming, sweet and soothing as he said it. The wash cloth trailed around to the front of her body, moving lower, to wash her legs. "You're always such a good girl for me. " He let go of the wash cloth and then his bare hand was resting on her leg as she sat in the tub.  _

_ "I don't-" _

_ "Do you want Daddy to reward you? Remember that fun game I showed you?" He coerced. _

_ She was unsure how to answer that. She didn't want to play. She didn't like this game. He'd done it about 5 times already. Internally she could hear her own brain screaming, ' Please stop' as his hand moved between her thighs. He was leaning closer now and the smell of alcohol and bubble bath swallow her with the first press of one of his fingers working its way inside her. _

**** **. . . .**

**Present**

Amelia woke with a scream, breathing hard. Her hand were shaking and a few tears leaked from her eyes. The smell of her own urine hit her nose and she realized she had peed the bed again. Mommy Kelly was gone. She remembered falling asleep to a lullabye last night while Kelly had held her. She could move to clean the mess she had made, Mommy Kelly was running through the door.

"Amelia?"

"I-"

Mommy Kelly looked around the room and noticed the pillow that had been knocked to the floor during the night and the pee stain on Amelia's pajamas.

"I'm sorry. " Amelia rushed to apologize as Mommy Kelly came closer.

"It's okay. We just need to clean the sheets. Nothing to worry over." She told her, smiling in that soft reassuring way that Amelia had come to associate with a feeling of Safety.

Amelia hopped off the bed and moved the blanket out of the way. The sheets were stained with Pee now and she felt the streak of embarrassment run through her. She was way too old to be doing that. Only the soft pleasant energy being radiated my Mommy Kelly was keeping her from going to pieces. 

Within 5 minutes Kelly had all the linen stripped from the bed and ready to put in the washer. " Okay sweetie just go take a bath" 

The lingering thoughts and memories from her nightmare type memory made Amelia's gut twist at the word  _ "bath"  _ but she simply nodded quietly and headed towards the bathroom after grabbing a pair of Jeans and a t shirt and a new pair or the sailor moon kids underwear she had in her night stand.

**. . . .**

**Kelly**

It was a new kind of distress. There was this surprising maternal instinct that burned through Kelly at the obvious sense of Amelia pain. While the linen was swirling around in the washer, and Amelia was taking a little bath, Kelly sat on the couch trying to complete this phone call. She wished this particular call wasn't even neccesary but alas here she was. Thank god she knew so many people in the psychiatry business. An early morning text and explanation to Keisha Jameson, an old colleague from her military days had render a phone number and some sympathetic text that she had feilded while dealing with Alex early morning blood lust. She had at least managed to extract a promise that Alex would restrain herself from murdering Don Brakeson for the time being.

"Hello, you've reached Little Minds Wellness counseling Center." The receptionist' voice answered.

"Hello. I'm calling about scheduling an appointment with Doctor Greer.

The receptionist paused. From what Keisha had told Kelly Dr Sheila Greer was a leading expert in child psychology and specialized in dealing with cases of child abuse and sexual abuse.

"Of course. Let me review the schedule."

"Thank you. I was recommended by Keisha; Dr Jameson. " She threw that information out there.

"Oh yes. She's a gem isn't she?" The receptionist said, while Kelly could hear typing on the Keyboard.

"The best."

"We actually have an appointment available from 10am-11am for initial evaluation on this coming Thursday. I just have to move some things around a tiny bit for lunch. Will that work for you?"

Kelly was rather shocked at how soon she was able to get an appointment but she wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth so to speak. "Yes. That's perfect."

"Excellent. Can we get a phone number to reach you in case of emergency or if we need to rearrange scheduling?"

" Its (360) 329-0424. And that's Olsen, Kelly Olsen."

"And the child's name?"

"Amelia."

Kelly could hear more typing on the keyboard from the other end of the phone before the receptionist spoke again. "Alright, we'll see you Thursday. "

"Thank you."

After she hung up, Kelly found herself sitting in silence as she waited, wanting to give Amelia privacy and not disturb her bath. Everything they had learned recently weighed on her and brought back some unfortunate, though not nearly as bad memories from her own childhood. 

**_. . . ._ **

**_(Fall -Kelly 9 years old)_ **

**_Trigger warning: Description of sexual violations of a minor, crying, stress, Molestation ( Even if not in the way that you normally expect) also poor emotional coping mechanism and young Kelly disassociating. Also please note, you will see Kelly in this story framing this situation as " less severe " so please keep in mind that part of what's emotionally going on in her mind, not necessarily an objective statement about the level of harm caused._ **

_ "But why can't I come?" Kelly asked as she sat on the couch _

_ "It's an award ceremony for older kids at my school." James sounded exasperated as he repeated this information for probably the 10th time. _

_ "Baby don't worry. Mr Green son David is gonna be here in a few minutes. He's agreed to baby sit for a few hours. _

_ Kelly internally cringed. David was- he made and Hasani uncomfortable for reasons she couldn't quite name. " Can't I just spend the day with Hasani?" _

_ "The Jonsons went on an impromptu trip to the woods. Behave and stop pouting." Her Aunt admonished.  _

_ Within 10 minutes David had showed up. His simple jeans and respectable blue button up shirt, both complimented and clashed with his Olive hued complexion and his relaxed almost non character pose was almost too loose. The shirt was clearly his fathers because it was at least a size or two too big on his thin frame. At 17, he had yet to really fill out of bulk up the way his dad had. _

_ "Sorry, I'm late." He smile in a way that should of been pleasant but Kelly found it to be unsettling as her Aunt and James headed out the door; James pausing only to grab his camera he had set down by the door. _

_ "Looks like it's just you and me kid." David said after the door closed. _

_ Kelly nodded before quickly racing up the stairs to her room. _

_ She spent the afternoon in her room, drawing, reading the newest edition of babysitters club and sneaking into James' room to skim through a biography of Martin Luther King that he had chosen for a book report after Auntie suggested it. _

_ Finally around 3 she found herself nodding off for a nap. _

_ David's presence in the house made her feel distinctly, uncomfortably watched in her own house so she hadn't gone down stairs,except to grab a ham sandwich. It occured to her that perhaps it was just all in her head. Aside from watching TV and running a load of laundry David hadn't done much. When she had been in the kitchen though, he had popped up to talk to her. She couldn't put her finger on it but something about a 17 year old telling her that she was gonna be real pretty one day and not to worry, had felt off kilter. David was known to be like that; or at least he was among the younger kids in the neighborhood. The adults seemed to like him though. _

_ Kelly had probably only been asleep for an hour which the feeling of a cold hand touching her bare back woke her. As she came awake she realized her head was no longer resting on the pastel purple of her bed sheets and was instead resting in someone's lap. David. She didn't move. She didn't want him to realize she was awake. Near her head, she realized his other hand that wasn't rubbing her back, was down his pants. He was...he was… _

_ "Very pretty…" David's voice whispered into the quiet disassociate. _

_ 'No' her brain was screaming but moving was not an option. Against her will a quiet whimper escaped her mouth. A second later, his hand was off her back and covering her mouth. She shut her eyes even tired trying to just be anywhere but here, until she felt like she was floating outside her body...anywhere but here... _

__ **. . . .**

**Present- Kelly**

She pulled herself forcibly out of that memory. It was not something she thought of often. That had been the first time David had done that and not the last. James' timely intervention had thankfully put an end to her being "baby sat" by David.

The memory of it still made her skin crawl; made her feel dirty all over again like some punishment for another person's sins. At least he wasn't really molesting her, she reassured herself.  _ "You're deflecting again."  _ Robin's voice peaked into the edges of her mind.  _ "I'm not saying it wasn't bad, I just- " " You don't want to think of it as him molesting you." Robin had stated. It hadn't even been framed as a question.  _ She recalled that particular therapy session rather vividly. It wasn't as if he had put his hands on any private parts of her body; he had touched her, just not like that. That's how she had always rationalized it in her mind at least.  _ You're trying to quantify the abuse and assign levels to it." Robin's rational correction popped into her head. "I dont- yes. It's just helpful to me to not weigh it as less horrible than something that could of happened." Kelly recalled herself rationalizing back. _

This was not the time for this train of thought again though. She shoved it back down,pushing that situation back to the recesses of her mind as she heard the bathroom door open telling her Amelia was done with her bath. The steam and warmth waffing from the bathroom and the sound of the water still draining from the tub, echoed down the hall. As Amelia entered the living room in just her little jeans and tshirt, having forgotten to grab and socks, Kelly noticed how her skin held none of the lingering dampness she would of expected and for a moment she wondered if Amelia had actually taken a bath. She didn't ask or pry though, not wanting to dredge up more unpleasant memories for the child at the moment. 

"Ready for breakfast?" I'm gonna whip up some pancakes." She promised, drawing a smile from Amelia who rushed to sit on one of the bar stools.

**. . . .**

**6pm -Amelia**

"She did what?" Mommy Kelly asked before sighing heavily in a way that told Amelia that someone was in trouble. "Okay. No. Yeah, thanks Nia." Mommy Kelly hung up the phone and came back to the couch.

The pizza they'd shared for lunch was mostly gone as was some of the giant cinnamon bun. Not having to go to school had been a treat after she felt torn open last night and the night before. There was an underlying layer of guilt she still found herself consumed by from having upset Mommy Alex and Mommy Kelly. She had heard them arguing on the phone a few hours ago, though Mommy Kelly had insisted that they were just having and adult conversation.  _ "Alex I know. I feel like that too. Just- just don't do anything stupid or reckless."  _

She had felt like Mommy Kelly was watching her all day but not in that creepy way that made her feel dirty like Mr Brakeson had. Part of her now wished she hadn't asked that question earlier.  _ "Has anyone ever done- done the stuff Mr Brakeson did to me, to you?" She had asked in blank child like innocence. "It's sweetie, it's complicated," was all Mommy Kelly had said.  _ She wasn't sure exactly what that meant.

As the princess and frog movie came to a close on the TV, she felt herself dozing off into a nap on the couch, wrapped in a fluffy red blanket, that Alex had said was her absolute favorite one. It always seemed to smell like Mommy Kelly's body wash and French toast lately so Amelia could understand why it was her favorite. It felt warm and safe. Within a few minutes she was fast asleep, drifting off into a rare dream about her real mommy. She could feel the singing caressing her ears already.

**. . . .**

"Alex' that man is in the hospital! What were you- You promise not to be reckless." Mommy Kelly's voice was clearly trying to whisper but Amelia was catching the conversation and the noise pulled her grogily from her sleep.

"I only punched him; okay fine I punched him a few times. But Nia didn't exactly stop me. Besides even if I did punch him, I sure as hell didn't shoot him. I don't know who did that."

"They think you did."

"Kelly…Relax. I'll handle it."

"Alex…and what about Amelia's adoption paperwork.

Amelia knew this wasn't a conversation she should be listening to. It was hard not to hear as their voices carried from the kitchen. What had Mommy Alex done?

  
  


**_Tbc in chapter 3- 'Better left unsaid_ **

_ Thank you for reading. Please leave any questions or comments, kudos or concerns below. _

  
  



	3. SPEAK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kelly takes Amelia to her first appointment with the therapist. Alex recalls her run in with the police after her fist violent encounter with Don Brakeson's face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may have Noticed that this chapter was "Speak" rather than "Better left unsaid" and that is because, this is Chapter 4 rather than Chapter 3. Chapter 3 was or is going to be from Don's Pov ( The assualter) so in order to do something less harmful that idea is being reworked under the advice of people in my group chat. Its unclear if the benefit if any of the chapter would outweigh the harmful nature if presenting the narrative from his PoV at any point. I just wanted to let you all know what was going on there so there wasn't confusion over the chapters.

SAFETY 4 -Speak

Author's notes: We are working off the assumption or understanding that based on the type of sexual abuse Amelia experience, she is suffering from Ptsd and anxiety manifested in flashbacks, nightmares, bed wetting and self blame. That's gonna be reflected in the therapy session.

By: PhenomenalBrat 

**Amelia**

The car ride with Mommy Kelly had been rather quiet and uneventful, but peaceful. After her talk with Mommy Alex that morning, she had become more calmed and subdued. Whatever they had discussed was worked out, sort of. Mommy Kelly had called Aunty Kara and Aunty Lena to have a sleepover in the middle of the day.

We pulled up in front of a building after driving for about 30 minutes. It was gorgeous. There were trees and a water garden that reminded me of when I used to take walks by the lake with her Mom. 

"We're here sweetie." Mommy Kelly told me. She looked so elegant in a dark grey dress with red trimming and black heels. Her long black coat that she pulled on as she climbed out of the car looked like it was Mommy Alex' coat though.

I stepped out of the car, in my new jumped and supergirl coat, Aunty Kara had given me a week ago. "So this is the doctor's office?"

"Sort of." Mommy Kelly explained as we walked inside. "It's a doctor's office that sort of helps with handling the bad thoughts in your head. "

"Oh. " I was processing that.

"So remember I told you we got an appointment. There's a nice lady that you can talk to today. No pressure okay." Mommy Kelly explained as we approached a large desk.

"Oh. Do- will you be with me?" I asked.

"I won't leave you sweetie." Mommy Kelly promised before turning to talk to the lady at the desk.

I smiled, feeling safer and more sure about whatever it was we were doing. Mommy Kelly was the warmest, safest person I had met since Mom had passed; Actually mommy Kelly was the first person who looked liked me, that I had taken care of me since mom passed away. I couldn't help but feel safe with her in a way that was unlike with anyone else before.

"Okay just take the elevator to the 3rd floor. Its Third door on the right. Doctor Greer's assistant will direct you." The woman sitting behind the desk handed some papers to Mommy Kelly as we walked off to the elevator. 

A quick ride up the elevator and then we were headed down the hall. We entered a small side room with another woman sitting at a smaller desk. The room smelled like baked cookies and there was a plate with about 5 or 6 warm chocolate chip cookies on the desk. Mommy Kelly nodded as I looked to her for permission before accepting a cookie from the lady behind the desk.

"Thankyou." I told her like I had been taught. 

The lady behind the desk looked like me and Mommy Kelly. She was rather short though for a grown up as she stood up to shake Mommy Kelly's hand. Her hair was short, shaved completely off like a boys might be and yet she looked warm and soft in her white buttoned shirt and black slacks.

"Dr Olsen?" 

"Just Kelly is fine." Mommy Kelly told her.

"I'm Briana; Briana Stoolguard. I'm Miss Greer's assistant. She's just finishing up.

"No problem. We're a little bit earlier than expected anyways.

We sat down in the chairs near the desk to wait and after about 5 minutes a door on the other side of the room opened. A girl who was about my age came out. She had pretty red hair and freckles and wore a soccer uniform from little league at the school. A tall white man with dirty blonde hair was right behind her and I momentary tensed thinking of Mr Brakeson, before feeling stupid.

"Dr. Greer is ready for you. " Briana told us, gesturing for us to enter the room as the girl and the man approached the desk.

We walked into the other room, with Mommy Kelly holding her hand. A pale woman with brown hair, wearing a purple dress sat on a lush looking chair in the middle of the room. There were those fun beanbag chairs I loved and a big fluffy couch in a circle around her. She looked really pretty like mommy Alex but bigger. She had blue eyes that reminded me of daddy's before he died. There was a table with juice and little sandwiches cut up into tiny squares like my Mom used to do for my lunch before she died.

"Amelia sweetie, This is the nice doctor who I told you about." Mommy Kelly told me as she led me over to sit on the couch.

"Hello Amelia. I'm Dr Greer. Is it okay if I call you Amelia or do you have a nick name you prefer?" Dr Greer asked once we were both seated.

"Amelia." I answered

"So we're just here for you and I to talk for a little bit. Is that okay?"

It was confusing to have adults ask me if I wanted something. Beside Mommy Kelly and Mommy Alex, I had assumed adults could just do whatever they wanted and there were no rules. That's how the world had felt at least since my Mom died. "Okay." I answered. This lady was so nice and Mommy Kelly was there so I felt a confidence I couldn't explain, grounding me.

Dr Greer turned to look over at Mommy Kelly and they seemed to be having some quiet wordless conversation for a moment.

"Sweetie, Do you want me to wait outside?"

_ No.  _ I didn't want to do anything without Mommy Kelly. 

" Can- can Mommy Kelly stay?" I asked Dr Greer. 

"If you're both comfortable with that, then of course. Maybe later we can look into some sessions, just me and you."

I nodded my head

Mommy Kelly squeezed my hand and turned to nod approvingly at me.

"So, we're just gonna start by getting to know each other a little. Can you tell me alittle about yourself Amelia? What things do you like? What thing do you dislike?"

These were simple questions, I thought. "Oh. Well I like school now. I like music and desserts like ice cream and that Spaghetti dish with Barbecue sauce that Mommy Kelly taught me to make cause it tasted just like the one my Mommy used to make before...before she went away. And I like songs and movies and math cause one day I'm gonna be a teacher doing math or something like Mommy Kelly said I could one day" 

"You like Kelly?" Dr Greer asked smiling as she took notes in a notepad.

"Yes." I smiled, kicking my feet a little and felt confident enough to speak without thinking. " I love Mommy Alex too but Mommy Kelly is just like me." I held up my arm so she could clearly see what I meant. Mommy Kelly had a confusing look after I said that but she didn't look mad. 

Dr Greer nodded before continuing. "What are some things you don't like?"

"Veggies, that nasty green smoothie Aunty Lena made me and Aunty Kara try that Aunty Kara threw out and ordered Pizza instead, the- the smell of alcohol, and lavender make me sick too; Bad dreams and stuff or when I remember stuff. That's not good. I don't like it.

"What do you have bad dreams about?"

I stared at the ground, not sure how to answer. Some part of my brain was still certain I would get in trouble. "The-the monster." I whispered. " The monster that comes into my room and does bad stuff.

Mommy Kelly seemed extremely tense next to me.

"Okay. Do you wanna tell me about the monster?"

I looked over to Mommy Kelly, to see if I had to. " I don't like him. I don't like to talk about him. Sometimes he was good and then he was bad. Do- do I have to-"

"Of course not sweetie, it's okay." Mommy Kelly told me immediately. 

Dr Greer looked between me and Mommy Kelly for a few minutes before writing something on the pad. Her and Mommy Kelly made eye contact for a moment and they had one of those silent adult conversations. 

"So, Amelia do you know why we're here?"

"Oh well Mommy Kelly said you were like a doctor for bad thoughts kinda like Mommy Kelly is except you help kids instead of adults."

"That's a good way of putting it," Dr Greer complimented me.

"So do you know how we were talking about things you like and things you don't like? Well sometimes if you encounter things you don't like and those bad things hurt you then you get bad thoughts and feelings about those things or yourself."

"Oh. Yeah…" I mumbled, not really wanting to say much more cause I was starting to think of the stuff Mr. Brakeson did. Still I found myself asking, " You mean like touching? Like Mommy Kelly said sometimes there's good touching and sometimes there's bad touching."

"Yes, that's one kind of harm that can happen. Is that one of those things you don't like? Bad touching?"

"Yeah. I get...get scared…" I dropped the sentence in the middle feeling how sad the subject was making Mommy Kelly. When I looked towards her though, she was staring off and looked like she was thinking really hard about something. "I-I like school now though and I don't get bad thoughts from there anymore." I explained trying to find something positive to discuss.

Dr Greer looked over at Mommy Kelly, who was still sitting there thinking really hard. I wondered if maybe she was seeing one of the bad pictures in her head too. Then she turned her eyes to focus on me. "So school has gotten better? It was something you disliked but now you like it?"

"Yeah. Now that- now that the monster isnt- can't get me- Mommy Kelly said he can't ever get me again, I'm having fun."

Dr. Greer wrote some more stuff down in her notepad.

"Amelia? she asked me, " Can you tell me about Mommy Alex?"

I thought about that for a second. "Mommy Alex is a superhero. She's strong and safe, and fun. She's not scared of anything."

"You hang out and play with Alex too?"

"When she's not busy saving the whole world. " I answered honestly and Dr Greer chuckled a little as if I had told a joke.

"So Mommy Alex is your hero?"

"Yes!"

"And Mommy Kelly makes you feel safe and she's an adult who looks like you, and that makes you feel okay?"

"Yeah."

"Sweetie, I know it's hard but can you tell me anything about the monster that hurt you?"

I didn't like this subject. I felt myself being pulled into one of those bad touching memories before I could even voice it or ask Mommy Kelly for help. 

"Amelia?" I heard Mommy Kelly calling my name…

**. . . .**

**(4 months ago)**

_ The theme song for the chalkzone episode was running on the TV as I sat on the floor in the living room in front of the TV. My PB&J that Mrs Brakeson had made me was all but gone. I love the show but after Mrs Brakeson had left the house, telling me she would be back in an hour, my mind had become terribly aware that it was just me and Mr Brakeson in the house.  _

_ He strolled down the stairs in just an old tshirt, with a picture of a singer on it and some boxers. My mind was already running ragged, as he plop down on the couch and the next episode of the show continued behind me. _

_ "Hey you. Whatcha watching?" He sounded so friendly and relaxed that my own fear felt confusing as I turned to see him smiling at me and fiddling with the remote. _

_ "Oh, I- uhm Chalk zone." _

_ He had grinned like they were sharing a secret. " Come here." He told her. _

**_Author's notes: Description of child sexual abuse, coercion, and disassociating in up. Be prepared._ **

_ Amelia found herself walking over to the couch, pulled and compelled by some unseen force as her childlike fear told her that refusing grown ups was pointless. She sat down on the couch. He pulled her close as he reclined back on the couch.  _

_ "Looks like it's just us for a while." Mr Brakeson whispered in her ear. The warmth of his breath burned her skin, sending a wave of discomfort through her.  _

_ "Uhm…" _

_ "Relax and behave okay." He ordered and she felt the grip of helplessness run over her. Within moments his hand was running across her body, creeping under the hem of her shirt to touch her. She could hear him humming as he did this.  _

_ "St-" the words caught in her throat. _

_ The insistent press of his election against her back pushed her further away in her mind as she realized exactly what he was gonna do.  _

_ She needed to get away. She closed her eyes tight, focusing in on her Mom and that song that used to drift her to sleep as his hands drifted lower, under her pajamas short. "You're so soft." He whispered. _

_ 'Mommy' was the only thought as she kept her eyes closed tight. _

__ **_. . . ._ **

**_(Present)_ **

"Amelia sweetie, it's okay" Mommy Kelly told me as I cleared my head of that memory, escaping the feeling that I was drowning.

"Amelia?" Dr Greer asked, " You zoned out there for a few minutes. Does that happen often when you think about  _ 'the monster'?" _

_ "Some- _ sometimes. " I answered "I- I get scared and- but Mommy Kelly showed up the last few times to save me."

"I see." Dr Greer commented as she looked between Me and Mommy Kelly.

"Can we talk about something else? I don't like this game," I asked.

"Of course. Let's make this all a little easier. Let's talk about kids your own age. Can you tell me about your friends?"

**. . . .**

**Alex**

"I didn't shoot that guy." Alex repeated for about the third time as she sat on the couch looking at Lena. 

"I believe you." Lena confirmed. "If you had shot him, you would have dumped the body or made him disappear, not left him bleeding to death in his own house with his wife able to find the body. 

"That sounds about right," Kara commented as she came out of the kitchen holding two glasses of Orange juice mixed with tequila. " It's really too early for you two to be drinking, you know."

"It's five o'clock somewhere." Lena defended weakly before turning back to Alex.

"I'm sorry Kelly called you two over here. I don't need a babysitter." Alex complained. 

"Well in Kelly's defense," Kara explained, " You promised Kelly you wouldn't do anything reckless but then you took Nia to investigate Don Brakeson and ended up punching the crap outta him. You can kinda see why she might think you need some rational adults around you."

" If that's the case, then why did she call you two?" Alex shot back, annoyed with the whole arrangement already.

"Alex, be serious. You're not a government agent anymore. You don't exactly have free reign to just go around doing everything you feel like. This is serious." Kara cautioned her. "What did the police say to you?"

**. . . .**

**(Last Night around 8 pm)**

_ Alex sat in what she had come to call, 'Perps chair' in the interview room. She was glad she wasn't in the normal room with the wobbly chair and cold table. She was actually in an office seated across the desk from a rather gruff looking man with blue slacks and a noticeably unshaven appearance. His dirty blonde hair was slicked back in a way she would have called greasy. The sleeves on his white button up shirt were rolled up to his elbow. He was a slightly robust looking man,, with his noticeable waistline giving testament to some perhaps stress based eating habits. _

_ Having decided to jump ahead of the situation and having nothing to really hide in this situation, she had simply come down to the station to talk and get everything cleared up as soon as possible. By her estimation, if this frazzled looking man was in charge of locating the shooter, then it could take a while. The name on the door was Greg; Gregory Berson. _

_ "Miss Danvers, thank you for coming down. You understand that-" _

_ "That I'm on, what I'm sure must be a long list of suspects." She made sure to carefully imply here and there that multiple people would want to shoot Don Brakeson. " All things considered, I'm sure quite a few people would have wanted to shoot him," She continued. " I did want to shoot him. I didn't though. " _

_ Grey fidgeting, his face twisted into discomfort. Alex realized then, that the investigation was at least somewhat aware of the situation. "You're...you're referring to the rumors?" He asked, though it sounded less like a question and more like a resignation to a disturbing fact. _

_ "If by rumors, you mean him touching children then yes." Alex could surprisingly feel the edge in her corner here. " I went to discuss things with Mr Brakeson and admitted the conversation may have turned more vigorous than intended." _

_ Greg looked at her carefully as if sizing her up. "Man was anyone else with you? Jessica Brakeson gave your description and a vague one of someone else around her house. Mr. Brakeson was found with a broken nose, black eye, fractured rib, dislocated ankle and it appeared some blunt object had been slammed into his gentals." _

_ Alex kept her face as calm as possible. "Well, I certainly punched him but honestly do I look like I could do all that to a grown man?" Alex asked, praying good old school sexism would wipe her off the list of suspects. Truth be told she had done all that, but Nia hadn't Lifted a finger to stop her. Plus she didn't shoot him and she wasn't going down for it. _

_ "This has all come at a very complicated time. I'm not sure I should even be telling you this but apparently they were days away from fostering a new little girl." _

_ "Leslie…" Alex whispered upon hearing this information. It certainly confirmed what Nia had said. _

_ "How did you know?" He asked her, apparently having overheard. _

_ Alex ignored the question. " I'm surprised that with the situation that happened before they would be- It's not my business she stopped herself from commenting further. _

_ "We are exploring all angles Mrs Danvers. That I can assure you. We will be in touch of course." _

_ "Of course. I'm happy I could help in any way. " Alex told him as she stood up from her chair and headed towards the door, heading out and leaving the way she had come.  _

_ As she walked down the stairs, she thought she heard the familiar voice of her Ex yelling at someone to get the suspect in for questioning in some unrelated matter. She kept walking though, feeling anxious and wanting to go home and wash that entire conversation off of her and see her Amelia and Kelly, whom she imagined were still watching that 'Motown Magic' Cartoon waiting up for her.  _

**. . . .**

**(Present)**

"So they know what he did and -" Kara asked.

"Yes and No. It's- complicated. "

"Maybe you should of shot him." Lena commented dryly.

"Lena!" Kara exclaimed, sounding almost scandalized.

Alex shrugged. "Don't tempt me. I wish I knew who actually shot him though."

"Whoever it was, sounds like they did a public service?"

"Who's Leslie?" Kara asked.

Alex had almost forgotten about that. "That's a little girl that just got saved a lot of trauma and pain." Alex told them, recalling what Nia had told her. Poor Nia. Whatever she had seen had left her silent throughout the whole car ride except to say that  _ "he had that coming and more."  _ after Alex' altercation with Don.

"We need to find out who really shot this guy?" Kara stated the obvious. 

"And find out why he isn't in jail right now to begin with."

"Kelly said for you not to cause trouble or do anything reckless." Kara commented. 

"Of course." Alex agreed as she got up from her seat. "I won't be. You two will," she said as she pulled out her phone.

**. . . .**

**(Amelia)**

The stuffed plush brown bear Dr Greer had let me pick out from the box behind the couch smelled like lemon body spray and that soft will smell plushies had. The bear had on a mini sailor moon dress and a wand and everything.

"Okay Amelia, so we got one bear that's gonna be for you and one bear that's gonna be the grown up okay?"

"I can play with it?" 

"Of course," Dr Greer promised while she wrote some more things down in that note pad she was holding, then she handed me another stuffed bear. It had on a hat and a button up shirt and a briefcase attached to one of its paws like a daddy bear would. "So we talked about games you place with other kids at school and how other kids are like the bears' other friends."

"Yeah."

"You said sometimes other kids don't know some of the games you know."

"Can you tell me a little more about that?"

"I don't really like some of the games." I told her. "Dr Greer?"

"Sheila is fine sweetie. "

I looked over at Mommy Kelly who nodded permission before I called a grown up by first name. "Sheila, sometimes the...the monster made me play...undress. " I pulled at the bears' sailor moon dress and unlocked the velcro on the back. Sheila didn't make any move to stop me. "She doesn't like to  _ undress _ but she has too anyway." I explained. Those were the rules of undress. I could hear Mommy Kelly breathing heavily next to me as I played with the bear. "And then the daddy monster bear would come over and… then we play touch. She doesn't want to but the monster won't listen. The other kids don't know this game though."

The room was really quiet as I played with the toys before a buzzer quietly sounded, dinging three times.

"Has it been an hour already?" Mommy Kelly asked, sounding surprised. 

"I suppose it has." Ms Sheila told her. "Amelia, do you want to come back so you and I can talk more next week? We can play with the bears again and talk about anything you want to?"

"Can I?" I turned to Mommy Kelly looking for permission while Miss Sheila wrote some more down in her note pad.

"Of course." Mommy Kelly seemed relieved. 

"Just set your next appointment with Briana, she told Mommy Kelly before offering me one of the mini peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

As we headed towards the door, she called after us. "Dr Olsen?"

"Kelly is fine really."

"A word." 

Mommy Kelly walked back over to her and they talked for a minute. It was all whispered grown up stuff but Mommy got that look like she was thinking really hard. "I'll keep that in mind she answered as she walked back over to the door with me.

I liked Miss Sheila and toys and being listened to. This was not like any trip to the doctor I ever had before.

"After we're done here how about we take a trip down to the waterfront, just me and you and I'll call Alex to meet us there."

"Really?" 

"Yes really."

I definitely couldn't say no to that.

**_To be continued in -chapter 5: Shadows_ **

**_Author's notes: So the Therapist Sheila Greer is using a combination of talking and Play therapy to establish a bridge of trust for her and Amelia. The understanding is that her Post traumatic stress and Anxiety are manifestations through nightmares, bed wetting, flashbacks and self blame and those things need to be fully understood in order to be properly treated. The flashback themselves as well as her talking and demonstrating what happened is a form of abreaction that is informative to the therapist._ **

  
  


**_Author's notes: Kelly's presence is the therapist session is 1) a narrative streaming logical choice, as well as 2) The logical result of Amelia wanting her Mom or foster Mom with her the first time she goes through this process. Its not always the case or always needed or beneficial for parents to be with children for these type of therapy sessions, however this is literally fanfiction. It's built around set character narratives._ **

_ Please leave questions, comments or Kudos or constructive criticism below. Thx _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	4. Better Left unsaid (Alternative)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We get a look at the tumultuous relationship between the Brakeson's and what events led to Jessica shooting Don. Nia's surprising fondness and Friendship with young Amelia plays into her distress over what happened and we see then bond over Harry Potter and Pizza. Also we get a look through Don's eyes at the long over do beating he receives at the hands of an enraged Alex Danvers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please pay close attention to the Trigger warnings as this chapter contains rather dark and painful content.

SAFETY 3( Alternative) - Better left unsaid

Authors notes: Originally chapter three was from the PoV of Don Brakeson ( The pedophile who Molested Amelia) but under advisement from other people we are going to attempt a different take on the chapter and gain an understanding of Don through the eyes of those, other than Amelia who have been harmed by his actions and the left over effects it caused.

Trigger warnings for Sexual assualt, dubious consent, rape, spousal violence, curse words, descriptions of violence and slurs.

By: PhenomenalBrat 

**Jessica**

I was shaking, panicking slightly even. The terrifying thrill and relief of ridding my life of Don in some way, was being replaced with guilt. I had shot him. It was like slaying the murderer at the end of some horror movie where a masked creep has been chasing you the whole time, except the villain here had been my husband. Truth be known I had been planning his death for a while; or rather Rebecca and I had been planning it for quite some time.

"Hey. Are you alright?" Rebecca pulled me closer as we sat on her black leather sofa. The jazz music that had been playing softly to fill the quiet, dancing through my ears in a valiant effort to re-calm my mind.

"I'm just-"

"It's okay. What you- what we did wasn't easy but-" Her hand caressed my cheek, helping me ground myself in this here and now.

"I had to." I whispered.

She pulled me into the hug I had been needing and I buried my face in her shoulder, breathing in the soft, fresh scent of the shampoo she used in her fire auburn hair.

People who don't know Don well enough. to have seen his darker side will probably wonder when they find out one day why exactly it is that a man that appears so charming and would end up shot and by his own wife no less. When I first met Don when I was 22 and he was nearly 30,I could never have foreseen it coming to this. Then again I also never imagine that my body would still hold lingering bruises with his fingerprints. I suppose if asked, the heaviest turn and red flag hit me 5 years ago. To be honest a lot of other red flags from before that slapped me in the face that night. I really should have run then.

**_. . . ._ **

**_(5 years ago)_ **

_ "I'm leaving! You're disgusting. You asshole!" I was yelling as I tossed clothes into a suitcase on the floor. _

_ "Jess stop it. You are being ridiculous. "  _

_ I was a whirlwind of activity as I continued packing clothes into the suitcase. "Selfish lying-" I continued speaking. My anger was at a peak. I probably should have noted how little surprise I felt though. _

_ SMACK!!  _

_ The suddenness of the slap as Don stepped into my person space seemed to surprise him more than it did to me. I had learned over the past few years that there was a tetter tooter between passion and violence with Don. Loving him was and always had been like embracing a tornado; Powerful, strangely beautiful but you also recognize the dangers. _

_ "I- you- why." He seemed at a loss for words over his own actions "Jessica I'm- listen you've. Understood everything. Sarah was trying to throw herself at me. " _

_ Seeing that he was just leap frogging past the slap, I followed along. "She's 15 years old for God sakes Don." _

_ His face displayed a myriad of emotions for a moment as I rubbed my stinging cheek as my body really began to register the fact that he had slapped me.  _

_ "You're acting like I slept with her. And anyways, you're acting like you didn't throw yourself at me we first met. You were barely 7 years older than Rebecca is now." His words cut through the air like a knife, leaving behind silence as I tried to read his thoughts. Then he looked down at his feet and I felt like he flipped a switch and was suddenly back from his episode as he looked back up. _

_ "Jess, look I'm-Im so sorry," He assured me as he stepped closer to me. I felt that tension one normally feels after a storm as he pulled me into a hug. He stepped backwards towards the bed taking me with him. " Jess, I- I shouldn't have said that. You're my one and only girl. You're it. You know that. Don't be jealous." He said it as if he were forgiving me for some wrong I committed and I felt crazy for a second. He leaned in kissing me as he repositioned us to lay on the bed. _

**_Trigger Warning: Next few Paragraphs depict dubious sexual consent, spousal violence, coercion and crosses over into spousal rape territory as well. Proceed with caution if you find those things particularly triggering._ **

_ "Don, stop it." I attempted to sit up but found myself rolled onto my back as he straddle me. He was smiling like some long forgotten romantic moment of the past that was out of step with where we found ourselves now. _

_ "Jess." He caressed the side of my face in a way that should have been romantic but instead left me nervous. _

_ "Don." I complain, trying to push him back and sit up to continue the argument. " We haven't finished talking-" _

_ "It's done. There's nothing to talk about," he insisted as he leaned closer to kiss my neck and I could feel him pulled at the buttons of my blue silk blouse, clearly undressing me in his attempt to swallow the argument with sex. When we first met, Don's tendency to solve things with sex was sexy powerful and hell even attractive. Somehow over time as 8 years had crept by, it had become less so, and right now it felt very much like a strangle hold rather than a lovers embrace. "Let me remind you that you're my only girl," he was not listening to me as he finally pulled my shirt off me.  _

_ "Don!" _

_ "You love it when I take charge." It came out like a command rather than a question and it felt like another switch was flipped as he pinned my hands above my head using one of his. His other hand was already busy unbuttoning his own jeans and letting them fall to the floor so he wore only his boxer; Then he was pushing my skirt up and pressing closer as he kissed my neck. "You don't ever have to worry about some 15 year old comparing to you." He whispered close to my ear and I felt like I was being branded.  _

_ "Don wait." I was actually scared he wouldn't stop as he pulled my panties down off my body. It occured to me then as he was pressing closer, grinding up against me, that he was extremely aroused simply by the act of dominating me like this. He was already pulling his boxers down.  _

_ "Be a good girl." He told me and I closed my eyes, not wanting to say "No" or "yes" as my brain screamed for him to stop.  _

_ And then he was thrusting inside me, biting at my neck and then I was nearly stunned to feel tears stinging at my eye as I struggled to catch my breath. " That's it _

_ Just like that. " He spoke as he took me at a harsh pace, leaving me breathless and unsteady.  _

_ Something in my brain felt like it snapped and separated in that moment. I felt a stark contrast between my brain hearing the echo of myself telling him to stop versus my body which was very much aware that he had not. I admittedly couldn't let myself make the full connection to that one terrible word… I just let go and let him. It was easier to remember it that way. _

**** **. . . .**

**(Present)**

"Here." Rebecca's wiped tears that had fallen from my eyes.

I was relieved and feeling guilty in more ways than one and sad as well as confused. I felt like I barely knew myself. 

"I-I pointed them towards those two women you told me about," I admitted.

"The cops?" 

"Yes." Yet another thing to feel guilty about.

She paused for a bit while thinking. "It will be fine. The plan went a little bit off base. That's all."

"I should of done something years ago." I declared in advid self recrimination.

"That's not your fault. Don choose to-"

She let both our thoughts concerning Amelia hang in the air. My stomach still churned at the memory of the evil I witness one day and the slap of my own cowardice in the moment still haunted me. Perhaps the worst thing was some sliver of relief as his attention had been turned away from me granting me some peace,only for me to learn the price of that peace was being paid by a child. 

**_. . . ._ **

**_(4 months ago)_ **

_ I moved quietly through the house. I didn't want to disturb whatever it was I could hear coming from the TV down stairs. Don had been watching some kind of rally for some new pseudo politician ex game show host he had become obsessed with. Truthfully, I was glad and hoped he fell asleep in front of the TV more often. I had a little toy, blanket and a freshly washed bear to give Amelia.  _

_ She had unexpectedly run off a day or two ago and luckily been spotted and rescued by a neighbor before she could be lost or worse, abducted by some pervert leaping out of the bushes. I had let her run a hot bath for herself before gathering hot cocoa and it had soothed her into rest. Judging by her jumpines I had assumed she had been stressed by the whole ordeal.  _

_ I could not fathom what on earth besides perhaps wild bad habits from the past had possessed her to run off. Don had been especially distressed by her disappearance. Surprisingly fostering a child had reignited a much better side of Don. He still had those episodes that scared me but perhaps fatherhood had taimed that as far as I could tell. _

_ With the utmost quiet, I pressed up against the door, pushing it open quietly, not wanting to disturb Amelia's as she slept. As I looked inside the room, I was surprised to see Don as the door cracked open. His concern for Amelia though was not necessarily shocking as he seemed to care more carefully for her than for me these days. Admittedly I had found it best to not be in his cross hairs though.  _

_ "It's okay." Don spoke, seeming soothing words to Amelia. His speech sounded slightly slurred and drunk but that was no surprise. I moved to step back and leave breathing some relief, when he continued. " You misbehaved. It's okay though. Don't be scared. Just touch Daddy." _

_ My brain struggled to connect and understand what was happening until I looked much closer and realized Don's boxers were pulled down. _

_ "Oh. Good girl." He groaned out, leaving little doubt in my mind what he was doing. He stroked the side of Amelia's face.  _

_ I felt the urge to scream rise up in my throat, only to find myself struck speechless as my mind flashed back to Don pressing me into our bed ignoring my request that he stopped. I found myself paralyzed. My heart raced with a mix of anger and fear that suffocated me as I stepped backwards quietly. _

_ Before I knew it I had raced back down the hall towards my bedroom, slipping inside. My own hand covered my mouth as if to prevent a scream I found myself incapable of making anyways. I stepped into the bathroom connected to our room and collapsed on the floor as I felt the tears consume me. I was shaking.  _

_ Don-he was-he had-oh God. So many things suddenly clicked into place. Warning signs I had glossed over, my own fear of his moods all added together in a horrific realization. Without thinking I reached into the pocket of my blue night robe pulling out my cell phone and dialing 'Becca.  _

_ "Jess is everything okay?" She asked. We had become so much closer in the wake of her turbulent divorce from Mason some months ago; My own contemplations of a similar escape having been put in hold while Amelia was in our care.  _

_ Rebecca and I had clicked on a level far deeper than I ever had with anyone. One day a session of wine and hugs had shifted surprisingly as I cried into her arms and we had found ourselves wrapped in a torrid embrace as my lips pressed to hers' drinking her in and finding myself feeling whole for the first time in forever. I wished more than anything that she was here right now though that desire cut against every inch of my southern Baptist upbringing that still bound me to a man who had proven to be a monster to this day.  _

_ "No. 'Becca it's not. Nothing is okay." _

_ "What happened? Did Don-" _

_ "I can't. I can't-" I whispered into the phone. _

_ "Jess maybe it's time. You can-" _

_ "Leaving isn't enough. I'm so stupid. " I closed my eyes tight as I sat on the floor. My few moments of bravery over time echoed in my mind as a horrible murderous thought flooded through me. "The only answer is-" _

_ Rebecca clearly read my thoughts even without having to see my body language. "Kill him." It wasn't even a question. _

_ I let silence hang between us as I withheld a response. I didn't need to say much more though. _

_ "Jess-" _

_ "I've seen the bruise he's left on you before. What's-what changed it all? What has he done?" She sounded like she needed an explanation. The best I could give was, "Amelia." _

_ The spector of those flashes of good and that spark in his eyes, his promises of trying to manage his anger issues and my own hope and faith for something better had been drowned away now. I could literally feel the embers of love I had for him dying away completely and the last thread that had held me to him snapped in some profound way.  _

_ Perhaps I should of dialed the police but the strangle of my southern Baptist childhood sensibilities, grabbed my wrist and the embarrassingly shallow thought of what anyone would think, stayed my hand there. _

_ "Alright then, " Rebecca replied and right then, a pact was made. _

**** **. . . .**

**Nia**

**(Present)**

I couldn't concentrate. I had been starring at the computer screen desperately trying to write this article Andrea had assigned me. The words blurred meaninglessly on the screen. My brain couldn't focus on anything after the last few days. My stomach still felt repulsed and ill from the vision I had foreseen. Truth be told, I felt violated just from having seen it. That other little girl in the premonition dream had been almost the same age as Amelia. Oh my God- Amelia. 

Amelia- he that demon had- I needed to focus on work and keeping a low profile. Alex had sort of taken care of things. That had created a whole other mess though that had resulted in some complexities. I knew she hadn't shot him though.I knew that for a fact. I wouldn't have blamed her if she had though. I probably would have shot someone to protect Amelia too.

Despite only knowing that kid for a few months, I absolutely adored her. She was the perfect little trouble maker in our chaotic duo. I laughed now thinking about how Alex had dubbed us that. I also felt so stupid for having not caught all the hints she had been trying to tell me. 

**. . . .**

**_(A month ago)_ **

_ Amelia stood in front of the couch looking down at her feet. She was fidgeting under my gaze. I hated that she felt nervous with me; or rather not that she was nervous so much as shy.  _

_ "Ms Nia?" _

_ "Sweetie you can just call me Nia or Aunt Nia if you want." Being called 'Miss Nia' made me feel like I had aged into some 60 year old teacher at an elementary school where kids never spoke an adults first name and lunches consisted of a cartoon or rats milk and mystery meat. _

_ "Oh I- I'm sorry." _

_ "Nothing to apologize for." I told her as I crossed the room from the door.  _

_ It had taken forever to get Kelly and Alex out the door. They hadn't had a night out together for the past few months especially after having to go through all that stuff with Patrick and Mxy and the car accident and then getting Amelia all in a continuous loop of time. Kara, Lena, Brainy and I had practically insisted they relax. Lena had rented out the best table at 'Menage' a new restaurant that was the buzz of the town and Brainy had guaranteed that no vigilante duties would come up before their date ended. Kelly had looked gorgeous in the asymmetric auburn colored dress that hugged her frame and after she walked out of the room, Alex' pleased expression had made it clear that this date was long overdue. The master suit at The 'Le fey' hotel has been rented for the night just to give them a relaxing night. That just left me to watch the munchkin and really how hard could that be.  _

_ "May I have some food?" _

_ "Oh right. Yes! I'm so stupid." I sighed. Of course the kid was hungry. It was nearly 6:45pm. "Lets-" I walked over to the kitchen and picked up the 60 dollars Kelly had left on the counter with a sticky note reminder that just said, 'for dinner.' She really did think of everything. " come here." I told her. She paused momentarily, looking down at her feet before looking up and walking over. "What do you want to eat?" _

_ "I like pizza." _

_ I smiled. "...and let me guess, potstickers." _

_ The suggestion seemed to relax her as she nodded enthusiastically. "Au-Aunty Kara-" she spoke as if she wasn't sure whether she was allowed to call Kara Aunty after a short amount of time, " dropped them off to Mommy Kelly and I every time Mommy Alex worked late at her mystery Job that I'm not supposed to know about." She declared. _

_ Damn! Kids were way too observant. _

_ "Okay kid, Pizza it is. Maybe the delivery guy will even be cute." I suggested jokingly and she scrunched her face up. " _

_ "No." She whispered while looking down at her socks again. _

_ Kids. I laughed as I picked up my cellphone to dial. "Hey, you go put on the TV and I will be right over. What do you wanna watch?" _

_ "A girl at my school said she watched some old movies with her sister. Harry Potter. I never saw-" _

_ I suddenly felt old again. "You've never seen-omg, this is-"  _

_ I finished calling the pizza hut and ordered a large 3 topping, then called the Chinese play Kara liked and ordered Gyoza potstickers for two. _

_ "Okay, we have got to get you through every Harry Potter movie." _

_ "Really? Amazing!" _

_ "Let me cue up Netflix and Hulu. " I told her as I crossed the room.  _

_ We were about half way through the first movie, chowing down on our Pizza after making a mess with some ranch dip that I planned to clean up, when She hit me with a surprising question from a seven year old.  _

_ "Aunty Kelly?" _

_ "Yeah." Watching the broom scene always held my attention.  _

_ "Are there any kids like me that get to be magical like Harry?" _

_ I looked over at her as she gazed back at me. I wasn't 100% sure how to answer that. "Why do you ask munchkin?" _

_ "I just- magic fixes bad things right?" _

_ I nodded _

_ "I just wondered if kids like me get to do it if we are good." _

_ Shit. This conversation was way to heavy for a seven year old, though weirdly hit close to home. I had thought the same thing, getting lost in the books as a kid. 'Are any of these kids like me' had been a profound question.  _

_ "Its- its whatever you need it to be? Its art. Its magic. Okay." My mom had told me that as a kid and I figure it would work here too.  _

_ She nodded seeming to accept that answer.  _

_ "Draco is bad." _

_ "The worst " I agreed as we went back to watching.  _

_ The sound of giggling as the door to the apartment opened, woke me just seconds before heard Kelly exclaiming "Omg" _

_ I had just enough brain power that early to register that it was about 10am; early but not too early. _

_ Crap. I hadn't had a chance to clean anything up. Amelia and I had made mini brownies to watch part 4 of Harry Potter and I had planned to clean the pans once the finished soaking. The mostly eaten pizza, potstickers box and a few juice boxes were on a table still. I had been surprised when Amelia had a nightmare in the middle of the night and chalked it up to being scared from seeing Voldy's face. _

_ "I'm-" I yawned. "I'm gonna clean this up." _

_ "Nia." Kelly looked over at Amelia who slept now on the couch curled up by me. "It's okay." She assured me. _

_ "I'm still a bit too drunk to scold you for the mess." Alex joked. " I should have expected this from the chaotic duo. " Alex gestured towards the couch. _

_ We all laughed for a minute. _

_ "So?" _

_ "Harry Potter." _

_ "How did she-" _

_ I made a vague gesture not wanting to get into the nightmare or anything. _

_ "Nia. Thanks. Seriously" Kelly told me as she walked passed headed to the room. _

_ I thought I did pretty well, though even then something had been bugging me and nagging at the back of my mind. _

**. . . .**

**(Present)**

"I'm going to need that article on my desk by 6." Andrea told me and she walked by in her fitted leather dress and read pumps. She seemed to be onna commanding mood.

I turned back to my computer to keep typing as I cleared away a small news article about Don Brakeson being shot. Part of my brain was latched on though. Trying to determine what he would have even been thinking that day Alex and I showed up at the door.

**. . . .**

**(Nia and Kelly driving to confront Don)**

_ "You promised Kelly you wouldn't be reckless." I had questioned Alex on the car ride over. _

_ "You didn't have to come, you know." _

_ "Alex, I'm not saying-" I sighed. _

_ " I know. I'm not mad. I'm just-" Alex explained as she turned the car door the road. _

_ "Okay, so how do we do this?" _

_ "Deflection, distraction and discovery? "  _

_ "Sounds good. I know just the thing." I told her as we parked.  _

_ "Nia." Alex regarded me very seriously for a moment. " Thanks for the back up." _

_ I nodded. _

_ "Let me do the talking. I've got a knack for this stuff." _

_ Alex looks down at her feet for a moment. It weirdly reminded me of times I had seen Amelia do the same thing. "Yeah " She said finally as we approached. You get us through the door then we follow the plan." _

**. . . .**

**(Don)**

Everything turned so wrong so fast. These doctors were idiots too. Could somebody help me faster please! It felt like they simply wanted me to die, given the speed they were moving. Even without the three bullet wounds, there was simply a radiation of pain through my body. That woman, Alex if I recalled right, punched like a man. If I ever got out of this bed I swear to god…

**. . . .**

**_( The evening when Alex and Nia Confront Don )_ **

_ The last of my video conferences for work had finally ended. I had probably listened to about 5 that morning and 2 more in the afternoon. It was already pushing 4, when I closed my laptop, grateful for some time to relax. I typed in a quick order for pineapple pizza and soda from the local pizza hut, hoping they didn't send that fat pimple face kid I saw last time. _

_ Working from home every now and then was a blessing and a curse. Jessica was off visiting a friend again and the house was decidedly empty. I missed Amelia. I know it seems crazy but I really did like and care about that kid. We had something special, just between the two of us. Sometimes we would sit on the couch, just the two of us alone when Jessica was gone and cuddle up with me in my little boxers and her in her PJs. She breathed life back into this house. I had drank that up, perhaps in the wrong ways. My hand drifted towards the buttons of my own pants. _

_ KNOCK! KNOCK! RING! RING! _

_ After about 15 minutes, there was knocking at the door. The pizza guy was apparently moving at warp speed. I rolled off the couch, striding over to the door. _

_ I pulled open the door to find...not the pizza guy. A petition brunette woman with long hair pulled onto a ponytail and a dark blue dress, stood at the door holding a pen and notepad. Next to her was a slightly older looking woman. She has short reddish brown hair styled in a kind of asymmetrical 'A' cut style by my estimation. Her black button up shirt, red leather jacket and Jeans rather screamed anything but lady like and stood in contrast to her companion. " Hello? Can I-" _

_ "Hi. We are social workers doing a follow up." The younger woman in the dark blue dress spoke. " My name is Ni- Nicole and this is my partner Alice, she told me gesturing towards the other woman. _

_ While the younger woman seemed rather pleasant, the older one looked to be irritated and ready to punch something or someone. _

_ "We're here to discuss Amelia." The older woman just jumped right in. I was taken aback by the bluntness.  _

_ "Al-Alice uhm-" The younger woman admonished her. "May we come in?" she asked. _

_ I saw no benefit in antagonizing social workers so I graciously stepped back and allowed them in. "My wife isn't here so I'm not sure how much help I can be."  _

_ The older woman was looking around the house but mainly coming back to focus on me and it made me uncomfortable. _

_ "May I use the bathroom? " The younger woman asked _

_ I gestured up the stairs, getting up to point it out for her. I suspected she might be snooping around but I could see no harm since there was nothing to see now. _

_ "So," I asked, "what exactly is it you need to talk about?" _

_ "There were some complaints made about touching and-" _

_ I felt tense. Shit. I thought the money I paid had settled this mess months ago. "I believe those unfortunate accusations have already been investigated. Children can be so very uhm-" I gestured vaguely. _

_ "Indeed. And the nightmares?" _

_ "Nightmares?" I asked. _

_ "Well what else could leave a child scared and terrified and racked with guilt and night terrors." The woman, Alice she had said her name was, spoke now with a blatantly accusing edge to her voice. She paces in front of the couch like a wild animal stalking prey. _

_ "Miss I'm not sure what you've heard but-" _

_ A mumbled muffle scream came from up stairs. A moment later the woman who had said her name was Nicole, was yelling. "Alex! Omg." _

_ Alice or Alex apparently turned towards the noise and walked over to the stairs. _

_ The young woman who I was sure wasn't actually named Nicole now, decended the stairs quickly. Her face that had earlier been lovely and pleasant, was now a mask of anger and disgust as she turned fixing her eyes on me. She whispered something to the woman called Alex quietly. _

_ The next thing I knew, Alex was striding over towards me as I stood up from the couch. "Listen-" I began to speak. _

_ SMACK  _

_ The impact of Alex fist colliding with my face was so abrupt, it knocked me back onto the couch. Before I could get my barring the woman had clearly lost her mind and a vicious kick slammed into my side. I swung wildly at her but missed. She had the upper hand from having taken me by surprise." Stop!" I yelled and coughed as blood ran down my face from my shattered nose.  _

_ "Did you stop?" She hissed the question out but it was more of an accusation than a question. I couldn't answer that and I knew it. They wouldn't understand.  _

_ She grabbed my ankle, pulling me off the couch and onto the ground where she slammed the heel of her boots into my ankle and I was sure I felt something break. _

_ "Help! She lost-" I implored the other woman. She simply stood there, motionless as she watched this Alex woman brutalize me. _

_ "How many times did She ask for help?!" Alex was yelling as she slammed her foot down on my crotch again and again and again, harder and more viciously each time. I finally got enough baring to roll myself away from her attack and attempt to stand. I used one hand to support me while the other was held up to defend myself against further assualt. _

_ "Get out of my house." I demanded. My chest hurt from where she had kicked me and truth be told, it simply hurt to breath. "I'll call the police. I don't know what-" _

_ "Don't lie. You know exactly what this is about."  _

_ For a moment I wondered what kind of social workers these women were. "Listen, I have money." I usually needed only to reach into my pockets of my now much more sufficient savings to solve misunderstandings but this time wasn't working. _

_ Alex stepped across the room and while I prepared for a punch, she instead kicked me square in the chest, knocking me down, my arm smacking into the side of the table as I fell. "You think this is about money!?" _

_ RING! RING _

_ The ringing of the door bell was a life saver. _

_ "Pizza delivery!" A voice called from the other side of the door and I could tell it was that fat pimple faced kid. Regardless I was glad for the interruption. Alex and that other woman looked at each other. Without speaking, they both turned, heading towards the back door. _

_ "Help, I yelled. " _

_ A few moments passed before I heard Jessica's voice at the door with the Pizza guy. "Did Don order Pizza again?" I felt a mix of relief and annoyance. It wasn't like she had cooked. Of course I ordered Pizza. _

_ There was some more noise and conversation and Jess sounded like she paid for the pizza and stepped through the door, closing it behind her.  _

_ I know something strange was going on, when she pulled off her coat by not her shoes. She kept her purse over her shoulder too. _

_ "He-help."  _

_ Jessica stepped further into the living room when I called for her. She looked confused. For a moment she just stared at me like I was a stranger as she took in the injuries littering my body. _

_ "Jess…" _

_ Without speaking a word, she pulled out her phone. I thought she would be dialing the police. My blood ran cold at what I heard next. _

_ "He's still Alive. Something went wrong." She didn't seem to be concerned that I could hear her. Then, " Tomorrow? But then who?" Outside? Did you get a good look? There was a pause as whoever she was speaking to answered. _

_ "Jess? Jess please-? What is-" _

_ "Plan B?" Will it work? Of course." She got this soft look in her eyes like the kind she used to give me years ago. " I love you too 'Becca. Soon, I promise." _

_ She hung up and turned to me. Her eyes were cold as she reached into her purse, pulling out a gun with a silencer attached. "It was always inevitable. This is me leaving Don. For every slap, every bruise, everytime you wouldn't stop this madness with me and-and with Amelia to." _

_ "Jess wait-?" _

_ "Burn in hell." She whispered before firing the gun, once, twice, three times. The bullets burned through me and I was sure that was the end. _

__ **. . . .**

**(Present)**

Where the hell were the doctor's? Help? Somebody save my life. This hospital smelled of urine and death. Hello? If I die, I just want you to know the truth. Jessica shot me. My ghost will haunt her and that Alex bitch forever, so help me-

**. . . .**

**Amelia**

**(Thursday evening after first therapy session)**

"AAAAAAAAAAAKKKK! STOP!" I yelled. The cold spector of Mr Brakeson's shadow still loomed over me as I tore myself out of bed violently. I could feel myself shaking and the pungent smell over my own urine hit my nose embarrassingly. A moment later Mommy Kelly was running through the door to save me.

"Sweetie…?"

She looked like she had been crying herself and the realization made me pause, not wanting to upset her more if I told her about the nightmare. I sat there speechless, feeling that perhaps it was all better not to speak 

"Amelia? Did you have a nightmare?"

I nodded, still not speaking, and let silence swallow us for a moment. 

To be continued…

Thanks for reading. Please leave questions, kudos, constructive criticism or comments below.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	5. Shadows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex notices how distracted Kelly is after taking Amelia to her first therapy session. Without and some gentle encouragement, Kelly finds herself revealing some painful truths from her own childhood and examining how it all left her feeling even after years and years. Meanwhile Lena and Kara's investigation in Jessica Brakeson hits a wall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Proceed with caution as your reading. Pay very close attention to the trigger warnings in place in case that content in the story becomes especially difficult.

SAFETY 5- Shadows

Author's notes: This chapter is very Dansen heavy. The shooting mystery and investigation that Supercorp is doing to help Alex is going to be loosely developed in the background. 

Author's notes: This chapter is very much centered on Kelly relaying some painful childhood memories to Alex . This will Also include references to James Olsen (Kelly's brother) and the prevalence of sexual abuse against Black women and Black girls, that goes unreported or dismissed in society.

Author's notes: Trigger warning for Molestation, abuse, violence, yelling, crying, vomit etc.

**The evening at Dansen' home, approximately 90 minutes before Amelia awakens from her nightmare**

**(Kelly)**

The cushion of the couch was soft and warm and truth be told I was feeling decidedly lazy as I lay there. It had taken a while to pick up Amelia's missed school work, grocery shop, run by work and take Amelia on a stroll along the beach. Considering the emotional impact of the first therapy session I had wanted to do something to help sooth her so she could decompress from it.

Truth be told I had found my brain unexpectedly distracted. Alex had joined us after I called her. She had shown up with little sample cups of 'Cold stones' ice cream for all three of us. Part of me wanted to scold her for spoiling the child's dinner with dessert, but I had actually been thinking about getting the same thing.

The sound of Alex and Amelia running around and playing, slashing in the water a little and taking off on an impromptu game of tag, had been refreshing. It filled me with that cliche sense of completeness that people talk about. 

My mind seemed designed to split focus though cause part of my brain was being dragged backwards, remembering- thinking about David. Even now the memory made my stomach twist into knots, which was probably ridiculous at my age but still it was like some learned reaction that was always there. Alex had obviously picked up on my distractedness. She didn't nag or nitpick about it. She just kind of gave me a look and nodded as if to tell me it was okay. She was extra attentive in playing with Amelia while we were out.

The clanging of the dishes in the sink, pulled me out of my thoughts. 

"I think that's it." Alex said as she put the last of the plates and pots away. "We need to just start eating off plastic plates and plastic forks."

"Alex, that's extremely wasteful," I laughed at the suggestion as Alex made her way over to the couch. She was holding two wine glasses in one hand and a bottle of wine that she had just grabbed off the counter.

"Now that Amelia is finally asleep," She said, looking down the hall where Amelia had finished her bath and gone to bed about 20 minutes ago, " we can partake of an adult beverage."

I had tucked Amelia in and sung her to sleep but my nerves were frazzled by the possibility of nightmares or worse, especially considering some of the things she'd said today. "What if she has another nightmare or remembers-" I started worrying.

"Kelly. We are right here with her. We will be able to hear if she is in any distress." Alex assured me. She poured a glass of wine and handed it to me. " Trust me, I'm just as worried as you are, but remember you told me that hovering too much might just make her co dependent on us and hinder her progress."

I had said that. Leave it to Alex to remember reasonable things that I had said and repeat them back to me. " I- that's true. I conceded"

"Besides, I want to talk about you."

"Me?"

"You were a little far off today. That's all." 

"Oh. Yeah- I'm, I'm sorry, I-"

"Babe, I'm not mad. I was just- I want you to know I'm listening. 

I tried to dodge the question. "It's- it was nothing important. Just some old stuff that got stuck in my brain the last few days." I took a large sip from my wine glass. I pulled my feet up underneath me and leaned into the couch more. Alex kept her attention focused on me.

"I'm not gonna push if you really don't want to talk." God. She was doing that thing again. She looked at me like I was the most important thing in the world. Her eyes were warm and soft. I could feel the comfort radiating from her as she waited. She wasn't pushing me to say anything but she was just being here like she knew.

"Alex it's…" I searched my mind for an explanation. "I-part of me feels like it's not- I don't know, I want to say, it wasn't that bad but Robin always told me not to try to quantify it like that." I explained. 

Alex moved closer on the couch. "It? You mean like something like what happened to Amelia?"

Well there it was. How to answer that.

"I- Yes. No. I- kind of. " I stopped and waited to see how Alex would respond.

"Oh. Oh my God. Are you-"

"It was years ago." I answered, cutting off the question. "I'm okay Alex." I took a huge swig of wine then, draining the rest of the glass in one go. "Everything with Amelia just kinda- I don't know-"

"Triggered some bad memories; Salt in some old wounds." Alex completed my thought for me.

"Yeah. It was- old babysitter. He uhm- he use to expose himself to me. He- he would touch me while he masturbated on my bed in my room. I couldn't- I couldn't get away. I never felt like I could get away. He uhm- he made me touch- "

"Kelly, sweetie-"

"For years I wondered why I didn't just run or scream or something. "

"Hey. You were a kid. You know-" Alex earnestly jumped to reassured me.

"I know. I sat through enough therapy sessions on that one. "

"Did he get...arrested or??"

I breathed out a morose laugh. "Society would have to care more about sexual abuse aimed at little black kids for that to happened." I probably should of phrase that better but it was true. Alex understood what I meant. 

Alex sighed. "It's sick. You know they were apparently going to let the Brakeson's foster another little girl?"

That thought hung in the air for a few moments.

"So how did you finally get uhm-"

"James. James uhm- well he caught David uhm touching me and-

**. . . .**

**_(Kelly 9/ David 17-18/ James 11)_ **

_ I was sitting in my room. The sound of rain pouring down outside was providing a strangely soothing sound as I sat on the floor with my blanket wrapped around me and a plastics toy bat in my hand. I had to be ready. _

_ James was staying late at school again for some extended math study program. Aunty was working overtime and Hasani was grounded. It was like the universe had conspired against me. David was here babysitting again. I had tried to tell my Aunty to please not bring him back over here but my words fell on the unusual unrelenting ears of grown ups.  _

_ It wasn't even as if David had done...that every single time he'd baby sat me. Actually, it was the times he hadn't done that, that made me the most nervous. I felt crazy. I had woken up from a nightmare shaking and crying for no reason a few days ago. _

_ The sound of my room door opening felt like that part in horror movies where a murderer appears. "Hey you." David stood there in his jeans and over-sized button up. The smell of whatever cologne he had on straggle my nose. I remember how the scent had lingered on my sheets after the first time, even after he had washed them. _

**_Author's notes: Trigger warning for up coming content. This next section includes descriptions of sexual abuse of a minor, and indecent exposure as well as coercion and forcing minor to participate in sexual contact with adult._ **

**_Proceed with caution._ **

_ I watched him like the malevolent intrusion he was as he walked into my bedroom. He closed the door as he strolled across the room. I had heard him vacuuming earlier. He tended to do things like that; clean up and tidy up and reorganize. I suppose that was why the adults were so fond of him. _

_ "I thought we could play a game." He sounded so neutral and calm and to be honest, it threw me off quite a bit. He sat down on my bed like it belonged to him. Not for the first time, I visualized myself running, but the knowledge that noone was in the house to help me, held me paralyzed and trapped. "I'm sorry I scared you last time. I didn't mean to make you cry." He told me. It sounded like he was apologizing for something totally inconsequential rather that driving me to tears last time when his wondering hand hand drifted slightly below the waist band of my underwear in one of his ever going "games." _

_ "How about, I let you be in charge? You can touch me this time." He was already unbuttoning his jeans as he said this. One of his hands reached towards me while I could see the other stroking and rubbing himself already. He caught my hand, pulling me towards him insistently. "Don't be scared." He ordered as he placed my hand right on his crotch.  _

_ I could feel my own terrified breathing echoing around the room. "I-" _

_ "It's okay see." He insisted. His hand that had been on his own crotch, moved to the back of my head pulling me closer.  _

_ "No, I-" _

_ "I'm gonna teach you to do something special okay. Just open-" he commanded me. _

_ The sound of the room door opening was like some unexpected miracle. _

_ "Kelly, I finished the math tutoring early. Where's-?" James spoke as he opened the room door before stopping dead in his tracks. He seemed to freeze for a moment as he took in David's state of undress and my obvious distress.  _

_ "What-" James started to ask and then like some light bulb clicking on, without another question, he flung the math book that had been in his hand, at David.  _

_ It was so sudden that I suppose David didn't really have time to think. _

_ "Wait-" he said, letting me go just before the book hit him in the face. I tore away from him, crawling across the floor towards James, who was looking at David, who still had his pants down. He looked like he was expecting an attack.  _

_ "What are-" _

_ "Look kid-" David spoke, rubbing his face that James' book had just impacted. David stood up, pulling his pants and boxers up as quickly as possible.  _

_ The sound of the front door slamming shut echoes throughout the house. With the room door open it was especially noticeable.  _

_ "Kelly! David! I'm back early!" Aunty called out. _

_ Before David could speak James was already yelling. "Aunty help!" He turned reaching down to grab my hand and pull me to my feet.  _

_ David walked towards us and James pulled me behind him as he ran out the door towards the step as David chased after trying to stop James. No part of me actually believed that telling Aunty not to bring David back would help. I hadn't quite figured out at nine how to articulate the situation and had not actually voiced the extent of my distress beyond discomfort.  _

_ "Aunty! David was- he was- Kelly and I saw him!" James was yelling. _

_ I felt this rush of safety and adrenaline as we made it down the stairs into the kitchen; Even if it was temporary, David couldn't hurt me right now. _

__ **. . . .**

**(Present)**

There was silence from Alex as I finished explaining. She'd moved closer as I relayed the story to her. Probably sensing the distress it brought up in me even now all these years later. Some irritation part of my brain was waiting and fearing a negative reaction before she pulled me in close and hugged me.

"Kelly…"

"That was a long time ago I- I honestly was- I am past it. It's just- it kind of hit me the last few days with everything that's been happening with Amelia."

"You know you don't have to hold that kind of stuff in. I've got you," Alex reassured me as she held me tight, rubbing soothing circles into my back.

🎶🎵RING🎶🎵

The buzz of Alex' cellphone going off interrupted the moment. She pulled back from the hug to fish it out of her pocket.

"Hello" she answered before putting it on speaker phone.

"She's gone!" Lena exclaimed.

"She?" I asked, feeling confused.

Don Brakeson's wife! She's gone! She's not at their house. Lights are off! Car gone. Kara scanned the place. It's like she moved everything out overnight."

"Lena-?" Kara's voice could be heard in the background. " There was a loud noise like something being yanked out of the ground. A moment later, Lena spoke again. "Alex...uhm...I have good news and bad news. Good news is-"

"We found the gun that probably shot Don Brakeson." Kara finished Lena's thoughts amid the sound of some type of crinkling paper. " The bad news is…" Kara paused obviously reading something. "Oh my god."

"He had it coming more than we even knew." Lena stated blunted.

"What is going on?" Alex asked.

"We have to find Jessica Brakeson." 

"Is everything-? I started to ask.

"AAAAAAAAKKKKK! Stop!" Amelia's voice screamed from her bedroom and my focus immediately turned to her. I jumped up, racing towards her room. 

One set of shadows at a time…

To be continued on chapter 6- 

Thank you for reading, please leave comments, questions and kudos.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	6. At Fault

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kelly has a flashback to her own therapy sessions in the past while navigating Amelia's next therapy session. Alex weighs some heavy thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's notes: This chapter should hopefully offer a miniature breakthrough of sorts for Amelia. The plan is to get this from both Amelia and Kelly and a bit of Alex PoV so it may be rather long or broken into 2 parts.
> 
> Author's notes: We are exploring the actual process of therapy sessions in this and how this would really work for Amelia and Kelly, so bear with us through the slow paced parts there as we unravel how the team is dealing with the shooting mystery as well.
> 
> Trigger Warning: sexual assault, flashbacks, Molestation, therapy, Death, mild smut, curse words 

**Kelly**

The shift to Saturday sessions was a god sent. After doing the first two sessions on Thursday's, the simple decision had been made between all three of us, to let Amelia do Sessions on Saturday. The drive over had been relatively quiet aside from Amelia humming along to the CD that was playing from that cartoon movie Moana that Nia had insisted on sending over. 

Parking on Saturday was easier too. They were only open for 4 hours so the parking lot was rather bare as we pulled in. I felt unusually nervous after last session. While the first session had ended with dolls and disturbing glimpses at what that man, though I used the word man loosely here, had made her do, the second had brought the sobering realization that Amelia didn't want to say some stuff out loud cause she thought it might upset me. " _ Do I have to talk about the bad dreams? They make Mommy Kelly sad." She had said it with that innocent observing tone you can only get from children. "Sweetie, It's okay. I promise."  _ She had evidently recognized how upset I was a few weeks ago after I talked about- about David and me with Alex. I could hardly explain that to a seven year old though. I was still processing that all. The fact that we still hadn't found Jessica Brakeson in the past few weeks was only adding to the collective stress.

The receptionist was quick to pass us through to the elevators and within a few moments we were walking into the room with Dr Greer's assistant. Briana was sitting at her desk wearing just a button up shirt and jeans looking semi casual. She looked up and smiled before waving at Amelia. We were about ten minutes early, so basically right on time.

After a moment ,off to the side in one of the chairs, I suddenly noticed a woman sitting and waiting. She seemed a tad nervous as she waited. She was in the chair off to the left side further away from us. From what I could determine by looking, she appeared to be at most 30ish. Her warm light almond hue spoke of something a bit different than my own. She had on a loose fitting dark maroon dress that went to her ankles and a white scarf adorning her head. I observed her for a moment before she looked up at me. Seeing no reason to be anti social I stepped around the desk to sit in a chair near her while Amelia walked closer to the desk to get a cookie and talk to Briana.

"Hello."

She paused for a moment as if considering her response. "Hello." After thinking for a moment, she asked me, " Is this your first time?" Her accent was hard to place but distinctly middle eastern to my ears.

"Oh. No. I'm-its not."

"Your daughter is lovely. " The woman commented looking over at Amelia. 

For a second I considered blathering an explanation about that but just settled on, "Thank you." We regarded each other silently before I continued, " I'm Kelly by the way."

"Ahlum." She told me simply, not offering much more information. She glanced over at the door leading into Sheila's office before looking away quickly. "My daughter is almost done." She spoke quietly, soundings like she was speaking more to herself than to me.

Sure enough within a few moments, the door opened and a young girl who looked no older than 8 was walking out. She was wearing a simple Black jumper and a pair of glasses. She looked very much like a miniature version of the woman sitting next to me. Doctor Greer was right behind her. She nodded to Ahlum before looking at me.

In a flurry of movement, Amelia moved towards the door as the other young girl moved towards Ahlum.

"Ummi, Sarat al'umur aala ma yuramu, Shukran jazilan." The younger girl greeted her mother.

Ahlum nodded at Doctor Greer, before turning to her daughter. " Jayid,hdha jayd." She replied as she stood, heading towards the receptionist desk after taking the child's hand. "Alayna althaha'ab." She told the child looking back at me and smiling cautiously.

I watched after them as Amelia waved at the little girl. The wheels in my mind spun.

"Amira. " Ahlum grabbed the young woman's attention and focus.

"Amelia." Doctor Greer called for Amelia to enter and I followed after them. The short exchange between Ahlum and her daughter was so unexpectedly unstrain and casual considering the situations. I could mildly understand the thanks from the child to her mother thanks to my nearly long forgotten college quarter attempting to learn Arabic back in my early " _ try everything years " _ of college before I had dropped it in favor or French and Japanese. 

"Good morning." Doctor Greer, greeted us as she sat down on the couch.

"Hi miss Sheila." Amelia responded. She had taken to calling the Doctor that.

The box with the toys and dolls was on the floor and Amelia went straight for it as I sat down on the couch watching her as she took out toys.

Wasting no time, Doctor Greer jumped right in. "So, the last time we met, we kind of left off on a complicated note."

"I upset Mommy Kelly." Amelia spoke as she played with the doll, pulling at it's clothes and seeming focused and consumed with that task.

"I'm-I wasn't upset with you sweetie." I moved to reassure Amelia. "I was-"

"Why did you look so sad then?"

Doctor Sheila simply watched this exchange without intersecting. It almost felt as if she had been expecting this. I looked over at her, recalling what she had told me in the very first session.  _ "I'm a bit worried that Amelia is holding back or not saying everything she needs to."  _

_ "Why?"  _

_ "She feels very attached to you." _

_ "Is that a bad thing." _

_ "No. I'm not saying it is." _

Time seemed to be proving a point. 

"Are-you-Do you want me to maybe go sit on the other side of the room so you can talk more to Miss Sheila? Remember how we talked about maybe doing that?

Amelia looked at me thoughtfully or I suppose as thoughtful as a seven year old could be. She looked over at Doctor Greer.

"You wouldn't leave right? You just go over there," she pointed across the room, " so the bad stuff won't make you sad right?"

I felt remarkably torn at the moment. Every instinct in my body was fighting with itself. It was ridiculous. I knew better. Amelia would be fine. This was good progress for Amelia. Logically I would still be in the room, just out of ear shot.

"Of course."

She thought about it for a moment. "Okay."

"So do we want to maybe start there then? Kelly, you go to sit in time out. Put on some headphones in the plush beanbag chair and Amelia and I will talk for 15 minutes about the bad man. Is that okay Amelia?"

"Yeah." 

And just like that I was sent to the time out square. I shouldn't think of it like that. I knew better. My brain irrationally felt like I somehow needed to support Amelia by hearing the extent of what happened. As I walked across the room and sat down on one of the plush bean bag chairs, I knew Amelia could still see me. I pulled out a pair of headphones from my purse and hook then up to my phone. A quick scroll through my playlist brought up an oldie but a goodie,  _ Beyonce _ . I put on  _ Halo _ and Let the music relax my mind, focusing on that so I could give Amelia a chance to say what she needed to say to Sheila.

**. . . .**

**(5 years ago)**

_ "So? Are you ready for this?" Tala was being especially careful as she posed the question to me. _

_ We had been waiting outside the therapist office for the past 5 minutes or so. I could feel myself fighting the whole think and truth be told I felt stupid; or at least weak. I felt strangled I guess. It had been about a month since I had run into David. I hadn't expected to see him. I had been walking to the bar over on 26th near where an old Barber shop used to be; Tala and eye strolling hand in hand and I felt very much like I was directing things right then, being back on my old stomping grounds around my old neighborhood. When he first bumped into us, I hadn't even recognized him. He recognized me first. 'Little Kelly?'  _

_ His greeting had turned my stomach as soon as I realized who it was. He had told Tala that he was an old friend of mine. He even smile just the way he used to as he vaguely told Tala that we had lost touch years ago due to miss "understandings" or some sort. Every inch of my body had felt tense. It was like I had lost my mind and zi was right there again; 9 years old and stuck while his hands- _

_ After the lost month or so of my increasing agitation, Tala had gone all 'Sargent Val' on me after catching me vomiting after I had unexpectedly woke up from a nightmare. I felt ridiculous, but it was like my body was responding to a waking nightmare. The nightmares made me feel like I had been violated by a memory. I had found myself flinching and trembling in Tala's arms. That's how I ended up at Doctor Means office. _

_ "I'm fine. I just-" _

_ "Kelly- Please don't lie to me like that." It was a gentle admonishment.  _

_ I was both surprised and pleased that Ta' knew me so well. "I'm sorry. I just- Its not- I just-" _

_ I had hardly been able to explain the situation to Val as she had held me in her arms when I awoke from a bad dream. She had been extra attentive. I hated making a fuse over myself. _

_ Finally after a few moments, the door into the office opened. A young woman who could not be much older than I was, came out. She was rather slight and pale, with dark reddish brown hair and she headed quickly out the door.  _

_ "I'm gonna be here the whole time okay. " Tala promised as I stood up to head inside. The words held the same power as a declaration of love and donation for me right then as I stood up to head inside.  _

**_. . . ._ **

_ Doctor Means Office was very minimalistic; A book shelf was built into the wall and a few pictures lined the walls but generally the two couches in the middle of the floor seemed to be it as far as furniture went. There were two small tables like the night stands that normally sat near bed but that was very much it. I felt nervous as I sat down.  _

_ "Good afternoon." Doctor Means greeted me. _

_ I simply nodded. _

_ "I figured, from looking at your chart and the information you provided that we could start somewhere you're comfortable." _

_ "Oh. Uhm- that's a loaded question. " I was a little surprised. "I can't say that any of this is comfortable." _

_ "I suppose not." _

_ "I'm- I'm not sure there's even anything to talk about. It happened years ago." _

_ "True. But from the pre review information you gave, it's affecting you right now. It might help to voice that." _

_ Kelly paused trying to think of the way she wanted to explain it. " I just- I never expected to run into him again." _

_ "Are you- Do you feel like he could hurt you again?" _

_ Kelly mulled that question over in her brain. She wasn't thinking that he actually could get to her or harm her in any real way. Her rational adult mind knew better. Running into him, the casual way he acted like they were old friends, his apparent total lack of any shame or remorse, all just hit her like a blunt punch to her gut and it was like she was a 9 year old hiding in the room again. _

_ "No. I- I just feel ill. I feel like my body is panicking over nothing." _

_ "It's not nothing though." Dr Means pointed out. "He hurt you. You were a child and he hurt you; You're not stupid or irrational for being effected by that." It was such a simple and rational and affirming statement about what she was feeling. Part of Kelly felt compelled to down play it all though, as she always had. "It- he-he didn't rape me or anything." _

_ "Kelly. There's not competition or scale on sexual assault when you're a child. Something that shouldn't have happened to you, happened to you." _

_ Kelly nodded. "I- I just- Tala is so upset." _

_ "She loves you. Of course she would be upset that someone hurt you." _

_ "I guess, I'm a little upset with myself. I hate that she saw me like that." _

_ "Saw you...like that?" _

_ Kelly felt suddenly stupid and smaller as she realized the ridiculousness of what she had been thinking. The underlying question within Dr Means' question was clear. She obviously wanted Kelly to clarify out loud what she had been thinking, even if she already had a good guess. "I- I should of been-I mean-" She stopped, feeling a disconnect between her childhood memories and her adult mind as she searched for the right words. _

**. . . .**

**(Present)**

"Dr. Olsen? Kelly?" 

Kelly finally registered Dr. Greer tapping her on the shoulder. "Oh sorry. " She pulled out her headphones. "Did-"

"You zoned out for a bit. Amelia and I were just talking. She-She wants you to come back now."

Kelly looked over to where Amelia sat on the floor. The bin of toys was completely dumped over and there were multiple toys in a semi circle around Amelia. She sat clutching a doll that was stripped of all its clothes. She was crying a little.

"Oh my-"

"It's okay." Clearly Dr Greer read the worry that colored Kelly's face. "She just needed a good cry. It's good for her to -"

"-to let it out. Yeah." Kelly nodded as she stood up and walked back across the room to where Amelia was. 

Amelia turned as she approached and looked up at Kelly. "Mommy Kelly?"

Kelly knelt down next to Amelia. Dr Greer walked back to her seat. 

"Are you okay sweetie?"

"I'm-I'm sorry."

Kelly found it heartbreaking that Amelia thought she needed to apologize at all. "You didn't do anything wrong sweetie." Kelly pulled Amelia into a hug, allowing her foster daughter to cry for a moment in her arms. Kelly looked over at Dr Greer who seemed to just be silently observing them. 

"I think we've made some good healing progress today." Sheila assessed things. 

Kelly looked at the toys on the floor trying to piece together exactly what had been said. The nakedness of the stuffed toy Amelia clutch in her arms painted a disturbing picture of the memories Amelia may have relayed to Sheila. Kelly didn't want to pry and ask though. She knew better.

"Mommy Kelly?" 

"Yeah sweetie?"

"You won't ever get mad or upset with me and send me back there right?"

The question was an emotional gut punch for Kelly. Why would Amelia think that they ever would do that? "There- there's nothing that would ever make me or your mommy Alex send you back there? We would never let anyone hurt you like that, ever again."

Amelia was quiet for a moment. 

"Remember what we talked about?" Sheila interjected. "Sometimes you feel like you're at fault for the way adults act when it's not related to anything you've done right or done wrong."

Amelia nodded though she seemed to be still thinking.

"Amelia and I think it might help and make her feel safer and more secure to read affirmations before bed; something to help her subconscious mind in working through the specific night terrors." Sheila explained all this without giving too much detail on what was said. "We," she used we, as though her and Amelia had been a team strategizing together in the 45 minutes it had turned out they'd talked without Kelly, "think it might help Amelia to understand who is at fault, so she feels less powerless."

Kelly hugged Amelia tighter. "We can definitely do that. "

**. . . .**

**Alex**

Alex paced the floor of the WatchTower's main room, with increasing impatience. She had hardly found any information on Jessica Brakeson. Truth be told, she was unsure whether she wanted to catch the woman or give her a medal for doing a public service. Don Brakeson had been the kind of slime Alex would have felt no guilt over shooting. Some colder, more morose part of her knew that.

From what Kara and Lena had told her, the confession note Jessica had left buried shallowly behind the house had been gruesome and vivid in its outlining of Don's many sins. Kara had flown around in full Supergirl mode looking for information but come up rather blankly on leads. It was clear Jessica had been planning this all for a while.

The beep of Alex' phone indicated a message from Kelly. It was the usual question they'd come up with for Kelly to let her know the therapy session was done and gauge how Alex wanted to spend time with Amelia in her own way. It had occured to Alex, after what Kelly had shared with her, that on some level Kelly was reliving her own past pain from watching Amelia. There was every chance Kelly was unaware of that though. In a way these post therapy walks and family time were as much for Kelly as they were for Amelia. They honestly did a lot for Alex herself too.

Punching out bad guys under the guise of her vigilante monicure could only go so far to calm her stress after all.

Alex looked at the phone before sending back an ice cream emotionally and smiling face.

😃🍨

_ So ice cream by the water again? _

_ She does seemed to love it _

_ You two are gonna spoil your dinner _

_ 😰 _

_ Fine. Of course my girls can have ice cream _

_ Thank babe 😘  _

_ ❤ _

She put the phone away and headed towards the door, pressing the button to dematerialize her suit as she went. Alex didn't even hear the quiet beat on the computer indicating that the Water Towers search technology had located a lead on Jessica Brakeson. Her focus was set as she stepped out the door.

  
  


**_Tbc in Chapter 8: Face to Face_ **

  
  
Thanks for reading this chapter. Leave Questions, comments, constructive criticism or kudos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so, this chapter is actually chapter 7. Chaptet 6 was supposed to be the chapter where Supercorp tries to track down Don Brakeson's wife and we explore Supercorp team dynamic. That chapter wasn't finished though. It's coming next. I decided to jump straight into continue the emotional exploration for Kelly. Thank you for reading and being patient.


	7. Release (The body Keeps the score)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kelly experiences a panic attack in an intimate moment with Alex furl by a flashback that reveals a painful new layer to the abuse she suffered at David's hands as a child. Alex and Kelly navigate a delicate conversation. Kara, Nia and Lena locate Don Brakeson's wife and call Alex back to action.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's notes: This is gonna be both Dansen smut and a complicated new conversation about how unpacking these old wounds and helping Amelia is actually affecting Kelly's emotional state in terms of how she's processing intimacy at the moment. You're mainly gonna get either Kelly or Alex PoV in this chapter.
> 
> Trigger warning: Flashbacks, allusions to childhood sexual assault, crying, Panic attacks, minor smut, yelling etc…
> 
> Author's notes: Okay, given where this story is going, and although I don't usually want to do hyper specific Warnings to the point of spoiling the story, for the sake of mentally preparing you to read this, I feel compelled to explain to you guys, what is going on there is a rather detail description of CSA and this discussion of...excitation transfer or more specifically the confusing phenomenon of becoming arousal while being assaulted. I'm not sure what tolerance level you guys are going to have with the subject but it's handled in a fair and affirming way.

**Kelly**

My brain felt wired in a way that should of been alarming. I was ignoring it though. After the therapy session with Doctor Greer, I had indulged in some ice cream for Amelia as Alex fully encouraged our foster daughter's sweet tooth. That was probably why I had been ignoring the twitch and almost anxious feeling that, truth be told, had been pressing at me and gradually growing for the past few days.

Family time like that was probably the highlight of these post therapy rituals we had glided into lately. It distracted me well enough from the painful thoughts that suffused through my mind. I had been inadvertently thinking again about...about the things that had happened to me...what David had done. The memory had nearly crept into my dreams last night if I was being honest. That's likely why it was so close to the surface already during my mini 'time out' for therapy. I didn't really want to talk about it though. Some part of me felt like it would, perhaps unfair to tell Alex. I had already dumped the burden of the past on her after all.

**. . . .**

Alex laughed with relief as we finally finished clearing the dishes from dinner. The rice and curry had been a quick thing I'd put together by googling the recipe and I was quite glad to have tried something new. I had just finished putting Amelia to bed and I was feeling kinda lazy as I stood simply watching her, load the last of the stuff into the dishwasher. 

My traitorous brain was bouncing between a memory of David washing dishes at our house. I had watched him do it many times. It was all bad memories.

"All clean." Alex noted.

_ "I got it all clean. Time to put you to bed." David's voice had felt like a threat as he stepped towards me. _

I flinched slightly as Alex reached out to touch her. I just barely managed to stop herself from pulling back. She felt ridiculous. My entire body felt like it was reliving something. 

"Are you okay?" Alex was gentle, her voice sounding soothing as she clearly picked up on my flightiness. 

"I'm fine. It's just...today felt like it was forever."

Alex looked me over. She reached out to pull me in a careful embrace, hugging me. I leaned into her touch this time as my mind focused on the here and now.

"You're shaking." It wasn't accusatory as Alex noted something I hadn't even realized anyone else would notice.

_ "Come here." David's command echoed through the empty house and I felt myself shaking in fear. A powerlessness washed over me as I obeyed.  _

_ "I can-" _

_ He pulled me into a hug that felt more like a smothering. "You're shaking." He sounded almost offended. _

"I'm just so worried about Amelia." That wasn't a lie. I was worried about our little girl. Every part of me feared the onslaught of her possible next nightmare, ravaging her little mind.

"You've done a lot today. Let me take care of you," Alex offered as she leaned in to kiss me. Kissing Alex was always warm and soft and drew me right into the moment I kissed her back with enthusiasm, feeling safe right then as she held me. Part of me just wanted her to touch me and chase away the part of my mind that seemed determined to be haunted by old demons at the moment. 

**. . . .**

Alex moved us down the hall, towards the bedroom. We pushed through the door, still locked in eachother. She stepped back and carefully began to undress me, taking her time.

"It's okay babe. Let me take care of everything."

_ "Be a good girl Kelly. I'll take care of everything." David's voice echoed as a particularly painful memory tried to force its way into my brain. _

The sharp intake of air rushed through my lungs. Alex had stripped me down to my underwear and she paused as she felt me tense.

"Kelly-"

I didn't want to talk about it though. I pulled her in for a kiss, letting my fingers run through her short locks of hair. My hands began to unbuttoned her shirt before reaching toward the belt and zipper on her pants. Alex clearly took my que as her lips moved from kissing my lips to kissing down my jawline and toward my neck. "Alex-" I moaned out her name. The feeling was both familiar and arousing all at once.

She stepped us back towards the bed and I went where she was leading until the back of my leg touched the bed and I lay back on it as she followed me. I was soft and pliant and she kissed down my neck further. One of her hands was on my thigh stroking and caressing my naked skin.

"Just relax love. " Alex voice was so full of adoration and love as she worked her way down. " I want to touch you any way you desire…"

_ "I'm not gonna hurt you." David tried to sound reassuring. His hand was under my shirt as he lay next to me in my bed. I wanted to scream. I wanted him to stop. He was just languidly running his hand over my bare skin. His other hand was wrapped around his manhood as he stroked himself. "You're gonna like this game. Just relax and I'll touch you more so you like-" _

It was like poison running through my veins. My body was replaying it in a way that was beyond my control. I could feel my breathing getting irratiac and panicky. Like the memory itself had hit me full force. I needed to scream. 

Alex paused as she both felt and heard the panic that ran through me. My brain felt trapped as I willed with everything for my past self to run or yell or anything.

"Kelly?" Alex had pulled back and leaned up to look at me. Her eyes were full of concern.

_ David lummed over me as she continued touching himself as he sat up now. He was smirking and clearly enjoying himself. _

"Al-" I couldn't catch my breathe enough to speak. It was like a title wave crashing in the worst way at the worst time.

"Kelly? Give me a color?" Alex had all but completely stopped as she simply tried to sooth me. 

Some far away part of my brain realized, this was probably the less horrible version of how I had felt when I had actually ran into him. Tala and now my Alex were getting a front row presentation of just how low and fragile this could still make me. It felt almost shameful or at least would have If I didn't know better.

"STOP!" I finally regained the ability to speak. I hadn't meant to yell. The picture dancing in my brain from the past, made me blurt out what I had been unable to say to him all those years ago. I felt a pricking of tears in my eyes.

Alex hopped off the bed, grabbing a spare sheet off the dresser that I had folded up and left there earlier that day. She brought it over and carefully covered me with it. She sat on the edge of the bed at a distance. She was close enough to touch but not actually touching me. I was grateful for the space as I worked to collect myself and ground myself in the here and now. I could feel her watching me as she rebuttoned her shirt and waited.

Collecting myself was easier said than done as the rest of that memory tore its way through my mind. Suddenly, I felt tears flowing anew as I held the sheet to me and turned onto my side to bury my face in the pillow. I couldn't stop crying.

"Shhh…I got you." Alex' voice soothed my hysteria. She leaned closer but didn't actually touch me. Alex was considerate and was obviously waiting for my consent to be touched.

"Alex-" I whimpered her name out, feeling less like an adult and more like a child in that moment: It was as if my soul had been run through a shredder. It was exactly how I felt back then. I remembered it much too well after weeks of mentally lacerating myself open.

"Kelly...I'm right here." She was quiet as if she thought a loud noise might scare me.

"I-" The tears still flowed freely down my face. It was strange. Even as a child, I had never let myself cry this deeply about it. Perhaps that had been the problem though. "I'm sorry." I didn't even know how to begin to explain myself, which was odd considering I had answers for seemingly everyone else.

"You- you didn't do anything wrong love."

I went quiet as I just let my heart rate calm down more. My eyes drifted closed. I could feel Alex move a bit where she sat on the bed and needed to feel connected, I reached out to rest my hand on her leg, needed to be completely grounded here. Alex refrained from reaching out to touch me still though and truth be told, part of me feared that I might somehow be flung into a flashback again if she touched me rather than me touching her.

"I'm sorry-"

"Kelly-"

"I-its been hitting me a lot over the past few weeks."

"Da- that guy who hurt you? When you were a child?" Alex clearly remembered what little I had told her.

"I've- off and on I've been remembering stuff. I guess I-"

"I understand. I-"

"I should have told you instead of just going along like it was okay." I closed my eyes, feeling guilty feelings at my lack of forthcoming stepping in my chest. 

Alex nodded thoughtfully. She regarded me carefully. "Are you okay if I touch you, love?"

I felt dirty. I wasn't sure I deserved to be touched to cry or anything...or at least some part of my brain did. Another larger part of my brain wanted to be held but if I did that then I wouldn't be able to explain. "Not, not yet-I-"

"It's okay."

This was probably going to be the most difficult part to explain. I let my eyes close again, not wanting to look at Alex when I said this next part. I wracked my brain carefully trying to figure out how to start. Finally, I sighed. "I told you about David right. "

"Yeah."

"I-I there's this… I kinda left something out." I could only bite the bullet now and say the quiet part out loud.

**Trigger warning: Discussion of "arousal" during sexual assault, fear, guilt and disassociate momentarily.**

"You can tell me anything." Alex was reassuring. 

I was rubbing small circles on her leg where my hand rested and it was more to soothe myself than anything else. Alex seemed content with it as I did it. "I- I've been remembering so many aspects of what happen. A lot of it has been playing through my brain often over the past few weeks. " I kept my eyes closed as I spoke. "I've been actively fighting not to remember some parts of what David did." I could feel the shakiness rolling through my voice.

"Kelly- you don't-" Alex apparently could hear it to.

"I- I have to say it."

"Okay. Just don't force yourself. You don't owe me an explanation. "

"A few times...I was always terrified when it happened and I just felt like screaming. The therapist I saw and Tala are the only people I've ever told this part to and even then I had been deflecting. I was at least feeling more honest with myself about that. "Sometimes, what scared me the most...he- a few, maybe twice that he moles- touched me, I was- that's what I was remembering," I offered as explanation as I struggled to get out the words I needed to say. I wasn't even sure I was being clear. Perhaps it was the vulnerability of being nearly naked as I rolled down still from.the energy of the interrupted intimacy between Alex and I. "I would be terrified but I guess, I-I wasn't in pain. He wasn't trying to hurt me. He was and he wasn't. It would feel-"

"You were aroused?" Alex verbally came to my rescue, clearly understanding what I was trying to say. She phrased it as a question but her tone wasn't questioning. It was more like she was answering a question from me.

I simply nodded in response. "I would be terrified and screaming on the inside, but then sometimes my body would calm itself somehow and I would feel warm, almost floating while he touched me...under my clothes and then things would get really bad. 

"Why did things get really bad then?" Alex' tone was calm and assuring. She wasn't pushing me for more, simply helping me with my thoughts.

"Sometimes in between everything, for a moment I wouldn't want him- to stop even while I wanted him to stop at the same time.

"Kelly...oh sweetie.-"

"I remember-"

**_. . . ._ **

**_Trigger Warning: Sexual assault, child abuse, touching, Disassociation/ out of body/ Spacing out. David doesn't rape Kelly in this flashback but he's without questioning molesting her in this flashback so be prepared to read that section._ **

_ I could feel myself shaking as David followed me from the kitchen. He had let me go after hugging me. I suppose he thought he was being comforting. My brain felt constant distress anytime I was alone in the house with him. Right now was no different from any other time, since- since that incident.  _

_ He moved like a dark lumming shadow through my bedroom door before he closed it behind him. He was already unbuckling his pants as he stepped towards me and I instinctively backed away. _

_ "Be a good girl, Kelly." David's voice felt like it filled up my bedroom and had sucked away all the air. He moved closer, until he was pushing me back onto the bed and climbing over me. My brain wanted to force some kind of scream out but I just went quiet, whimpering impotent. _

_ David rolled us so we were both on our side. I could feel myself trembling much harder now. My heart raced in my chest. David's had slipped under my shirt. It-it wasn't even that his touch was violent. It always started like this. It was almost benign. He was clearly aroused though; As if leaving me helpless wasn't enough, his enjoyment zapped my spirit. _

_ I'm not gonna hurt you." David tried to sound reassuring. His hand was under my shirt as he lay next to me in my bed. I wanted to scream. I wanted him to stop. He was just languidly running his hand over my bare skin. His other hand was wrapped around his manhood as he stroked himself. "You're gonna like this game. Just relax and I'll touch you more so you like it too." He phrased it like he was giving me some reward, then he moved his hand from under my shirt and reached down to pull my pajama pants that I had been wondering around the house in, down lower.  _

_ I felt my whole body flinch as the fear that he was going to take off my panties the way he took off his own underwear, suddenly hit me, leaving me running terrified scenarios in my head. Instead though, he just put his hand high up on my inner thigh, stroking carefully. It was almost soothing. It was soft and careful, languid and slow. He wasn't breaching the cloth barrier of my panties. His hands seem to be purposefully avoiding doing that. Sparks or...something frighteningly pleasant ran down my spine and I felt this deep confusion settle over me. Part of me wanted him to stop! I wanted to scream and the other part of me- _

_ "You like it don't you?" _

_ I could feel myself whimpering again as if I was being held back from saying something. " ah-" _

_ David leaned closer, kissing the side of my neck. I just wanted to escape. I couldn't run. My body seemed determined to betray me as I almost surrendered to him.  _

_ Something was wrong with me. I was sure of it and more than anything, I just wanted to forget this. 'Find a happy place, I whispered the words in my own head.  _

_ I let my eyes drifted closed, trying to project myself away until I felt this floating zen, like I wasn't even in my body. I was in a weightless state, and for a moment my mind was nowhere and I was nothing. _

_ I was safe, if only in my own brain. Some part of me knew I was still in my bed, but the more I just reached for that happy safe place, the further away it all got. For the first time in my 9 year old life, I felt absolute clarity. It was like I was watching it all from somewhere else. He was the monster. I was the trapped princess. It was the first time I had thought of it like that.  _

_ The fear that held my body paralyzed and vulnerable on the bed, also seemed to be pushing me on the current I was riding. I was doing an excellent job of ignoring my own body right then. Whether that was an accomplishment or not I could not say. I simply didn't know. Was this normal? Was this just what people did and I didn't know before. I simply didn't know. I just knew that had I the ability to yell, I would be screaming "stop!" at the top of my lungs. My body was too far away to reach though at the moment, or perhaps my mind was. _

_ I was ripped from the escape I had found by the groan and moan of David's voice close to my ear. He- he wasn't trying to penatrate me but he had clearly realized my attention had wondered away and he wanted it back as he sped up his strokes on his own manhood. I could feel it brushing the side of my thigh before he...groaned with what sounded like painful satisfaction, loud and deep and suddenly warm wet liquid was hitting my thigh. It dragged my mind off the slight dampness of my own panties as I registered what was happening.  _

_ I felt that familiar panic washing over me. It was like acidic terror burning through me and stealing my breath. I squeezed my eyes closed again.  _

_ "Thank you. Such a good girl when you LET me touch you." He leaned in, kissing my neck again. _

_ No! No! I didnt- I didn't let him. I just- I felt tears stinging at my eyes as David sat up, lumming over me. He appeared to be smirking and clearly enjoying himself.  _

_ I felt used and dirty. I- was never gonna get clean again. I just knew it; some part of me just knew it. As I looked up at David though, I hoped that he felt just as dirty. It couldn't be my fault alone. I was gonna keep telling myself that, until...until I actually believed it.  _

**. . . .**

**(Present)**

My eyes were still closed as I finished telling Alex about it. I went quiet, not wanting to say much more as I waited for her to say anything.

"You're-you're shaking. Kelly-" It was the first thing out of Alex' mouth. 

I felt relieved. I was afraid of what she might think. That was ridiculous on some level but part of my mind in some quiet space had worried how anyone would take that revelation. Some part of me didn't want to think about it all though.

"Alex-"

She paused, not touching me as I opened my eyes and our gazes met. She was still waiting for my consent before bridging the gap between us.

"You know-that that was not your fault." Alex' tone was soft but absolute. She sounded like she was stating a simply obvious fact. "Sometimes the human body just does that kind of thing."

Doctor Means had told me something similar when I had seen her years ago. Tala's insistence that I go, had led to a rather healing experience after I had gone through a complete spiral after we actually ran into David. I had been still deflecting and evasive though. Some part of my brain had felt like as I got myself back under control, I could and should just forget about it. Talking with Alex about it now, with the weight of Amelia's own admissions on top of my own distressing and re-emerging memories that I had worked hard to bury and rise over, was giving me a whole new set of painful thoughts or perhaps revelations.

Some part of my brain has always felt this need to make this separation or distinction. I deflected in my mind and out loud by simply telling myself that  _ "it could have been so much worse. He hadn't raped me. Far worse things have happened to other people." _ But I suppose that no matter how much I tried to tell myself that, my body "keeps the score" and the trauma was simply the same; Trauma born of something that never should of happen. 

_ "Kelly, that never should have happened to you. You don't have to make excuses for what that man did to you." Doctor Means advice ran through my mind. I had nodded as she said it." _

"Kelly?" Alex must of noticed me getting distracted by the past.

I looked at her, meeting her eyes. "I'm sorry about earlier."

"Kelly-?"

"I should have said something. You asked and I just-"

"You needed to escape your own head for a moment. " Alex finished my thoughts for me and I could see the wheels turning in her head.

We regarded each other quietly for a few moments. I coughed a little, finally feeling dryness in my throat. All the talking and my own body's shocking full body panic felt like it had dehydrated me. Alex. Looked me over before getting up from where she sat. Before I could think to do the same or put any effort into moving at all, she gestured for me to stay as she headed to the door.

"I'll be right back. I'm gonna-" She gestured towards the kitchen. 

**. . . .**

**Alex**

I breathed out a sigh, letting myself decompress as I leaned against the kitchen counter. The cup of tea was warming in the microwave for Kelly and a small cookie from the box of Gluten free, fat free ones that Kara had insisted on giving us from her and Lena's apartment, sat on a plate.

My brain was replaying the entirety of the events right up to Kelly yelling  _ "stop."  _ The agitation in her body had given me pause. I- I know her well. I know her body well. She was trembling earlier. I can read a nonverbal cues perhaps better than most. With Kelly it's even more profoundly clear. Intimacy over time breeds a level of care and familiarity between partners. 

I wanted to slap myself. I had seen it. Her actions attempted to say yes, when I asked her but her body was subconscious saying something else. I had followed her lead only to find us led to a profoundly deep rabbit hole. The rapid breathing and sudden panic that had seized her as I touched her, had been a wordless cue to stop even before I asked her.

The microwave dinged and I opened it, pulling out the cup of hot water. I tore open one of the lavender tea bags and put it in the water to stew. A small bottle of honey was on the counter and I grabbed that as well before heading back to the room. 

When I got back to the room Kelly was sitting up on the bed. Her robe was on. She had clearly grabbed it from the closet. The sheet was wrapped loosely around her. She looked a bit shell shocked, as if everything that happened had hit her harder. I handed her the plate with the tea and cookie and she sigh in that soft grateful way. 

"Alex?" She asked me as I sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Yeah. "

"Can I ask you something?"

"Anything." 

Kelly took the honey and poured a little into her tea before taking a tentative sip, and then another deeper sip. She sighed before looking up to meet my eyes. Whatever she wanted to say was really bothering her. "Have I ever done- have I done anything to you that you didn't like."

"Kelly-"

"I just- sometimes I- I- always wonder- or I'm starting to wonder if I like the things I like…sexual cause in some way I like danger or feeling like I have power to make someone else feel-"

"Kelly. You've never made me feel unsafe. You- I've never felt safer. You- you always check in. I know exactly who you are in that regard. That's one of the things I love about you."

Kelly nodded as I spoke. She sighed softly and felt compelled to move closer and envelope her in a hug but held myself back.

"Thanks. I know it sounds stupid. I just- "

"You're processing a lot." I interrupted her self depreciation to offer immediate reassurance.

"I always want- I just always wanted you to feel safe when I'm with you; And When I touch you-"

"I know. " I thought about what happened earlier. " I just want to make sure you feel safe too, that we're both  _ honest _ with each other in every sense." I put emphasis on the word "honest". It was an accusation but rather a reminder to my love that her boundaries and needs mattered too.

"Alex-" She took another sip of tea to soothe her throat. 

"I was scared I had hurt you."

"I should of-"

"I'm not mad love. I was just- We have to communicate with each other. You said-"

"-Nothing is off the table. I know. It's- Its like part of my brain wasn't even registering the full impact. It was like bits and pieces. It's always kind if been like that and then I just kinda emotion buried the worst parts or thought about it like it was something else but then- everything that's happen-

I understood. 

RING!!

My cell phone rang. I looked over at the table where it sat. Finally I moved the table as Kelly nodded. I answered immediately, recognizing Lena's number.

"Alex!" I was surprised to hear Nia on the phone. "Kara's coming your way fast. The search you set up for Don Brakeson's wife, paid off. 

"Tell her to suit up just in case." Lena's voice spoke from the background. "Brainy hurry-" Lena went back to communicating with Brainy.

I looked over at Kelly. I felt a twinge of frustration at our conversation being interrupted but Kelly nodded in understanding. 

"Okay. See you in 5." I hung up. 

The whole conversation felt incomplete as and no part of me wanted to leave Kelly in that moment. The whoosh of Supergirl entering into the balcony drew my attention tho. I could hear it from inside our room.

"I'm okay. I-Ill- we'll talk later. I'm not going anywhere.

I breathed a sigh of relief. I felt my body mildly released some of the stress and fear I felt as I moved towards the door. My eyes lingered on Kelly before I headed towards the living room where Kara waited. I tapped my watch as I went, materializing my suit on the way.

TBC…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's notes: This chapter was really heavy. I tried to address this particular subject as delicately as possible and things have played out in a way that felt narratively fair so far. If you have any questions, Kudos, Comments of constructive, reasonable criticism please feel free to engage. 
> 
> -BJ


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